11/24/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Greenspan Admits: "It Was All My Fault"

In dramatic testimony today, former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan acknowledged that he had caused the current financial meltdown.

"I messed up," the venerable sage told Congress. "Oops."

Greenspan, who is married to the also venerable (but strangely youthful looking) Andrea Mitchell, said that "a bunch of rich guys" had told him to take the policy positions that led to the market collapse and that "it made sense to me at the time."

When asked how he could have taken positions that have caused so much suffering, Greenspan appeared at first flustered, and then made a surprise announcement.

"I'd been hoping to avoid this getting out," Greenspan said, "but I have an evil twin." With that, he seemed to acquire a bushy head of hair and a white beard and introduced himself as "Karl."

"Capital is dead labor, which, vampire-like, lives only by sucking living labor, and lives the more, the more labor it sucks," he said vehemently. " My object in life is to dethrone God and destroy capitalism!"

This outburst puzzled the Committee which descended into argument, shouting and spitball pelting of the witness until Rep. Henry Waxman called for security guards to remove him.

"All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face with sober senses, his real conditions of life, and his relations with his kind!" Greenspan/Marx shouted as he was escorted from the room.

The Committee meets again tomorrow, when it expects to call Henry Ford, John D. Rockefeller, J.P. Morgan and Herbert Hoover as witnesses.