GOP Campaign Slogans I'd Like to See

Mitt Romney:

• Mitt Romney: You've Already Eye-Fucked Him; Now Vote For Him

• Vote For Mitt: He's Just Like You, Only Without The Swearing, Drinking, Smoking And Monogamy

• Vote For Romney: His Pecs Are Like God Damn Dinner Plates

• Mitt Romney: Quickly Changed Every Position He Ever Had Just For You

• Romney For President: Not Just Another Massachusetts Mormon Who Was CEO Of The 2002 Winter Olympics

Rudy Giuliani:

• Vote For Giuliani: He'll Torture And Kill You To Protect Your Children

• Rudy For President: Because The Neo-Cons Were Just A Bunch Of Fucking Pansy-Ass Hippies

• Giuliani in '08: You Ever Dance With The Devil In The Pale Moonlight?

• Vote For Rudy: It'll Be Like 9/11 Everyday!

• Rudy Giuliani: Hard On Gays (If You Know What I Mean)

Fred Thompson:

• Vote For Fred Thompson: Definitely The Only Candidate Who Was In Iron Eagle III

• Fred Thompson: Sort Of Like Gene Hackman Crossed With A Bat-Shit Crazy Person

• Fred Thompson: Feel Free To Fuck His Wife Vicariously Through Him

• Thompson In '08: Well, At Least He Never Acted With A Chimp

• Thompson For President: It'll Be Kind Of Like He's Playing The President In A Really Bad Movie About The End Of The World

John McCain:

• Vote For McCain: He'll Try Not To Be Buried In A Pine Box Come November

• McCain For President: Whoa, Really? What Year Are We In?

• McCain '08: Short On Funds, Just Like You

• John McCain: A Maverick On Everything But The Issues

• Vote For John McCain: Because, Sweet Jesus, Look At The Alternatives

This post originally appeared on 23/6 (236.com), the new comedy news site. Click here for more satiric, of-the-moment takes on the day's top stories.

Comments

[ParacleteofKavorka]

Republicans- they believe in everything but reality. How do they find the door when they want to leave the room?

[acudoc]

Ron Paul....For a refreshing change of pace, let's do truth!

[MrsHaskell]

Last year a Stephanie Miller listener called in and suggested this brilliant slogan for Katherine Harris and I think it works as a Republican primary slogan:

Don't settle for the LESSER of two evils. Vote Katherine Harris.

[philjames]

This 200-year old experiment in Democracy is over--Vote Republican!

[DavidEm]

The best was from The Onion, when Bush first took office:

OUR NATIONAL NIGHTMARE OF PEACE AND PROSPERITY IS FINALLY OVER

[stlrfan]

Invade...Occupy...Perfect

[commonsenselives]

William,

Awesome list.

Now do one on the Democrats cuz lord knows they have it coming. Especially since they mostly lack a spine.

[SirReal1]

I hate to do it but;

Who needs a slogan; Who needs an election?
W and Dick, Rulers for Life!

I mean, seriously, who needs all the "hoopla" that this primary season is creating? Most of us are WAY TOO BUSY to really pay attention to the issues and are likely to vote for another version of what we already have anyway. Might as well just "stay the course".

[eddiestardust]

Our party is the Grand Old Party..GOP
We stand for LIMITED Government you see.
We don't even believe in Government...

Why bother voting for us?

[Querent]

GOP: Better Living Through Creative Lying

[swift_goat_pet_for_truth]

Either Party: Bring Integrity Back to the White House

[Lasserina]

Would someone please give Bush a blowjob, so we can impeach him?

[Lasserina]

Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.

Republicans are people too! Mean, selfish, greedy people!

The road to hell is paved with republicans.

Democrats think the glass is half full, Republicans think the glass is theirs.

Right Wing Radio; The voice of Satan.

[zendem1]

Giuliani: Armageddon Fedex!
Hillary Clinton: I've got balls in this pantsuit!

McCain:Just because there's snow on the roof, um..I forgot the rest.

Mitt Romney:Like a phone sex operator, I'm whoever you need me to be!

Fred Thompson: Just say "Yup"

Vote Kucinich: I'm tall where it counts!

Vote Ron Paul: Crazy as batshit,smarter than Bush.

[oafishcad]

We can all laugh at the GOP. Can you say electronic voting machines? Now who's laughing?