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Alabama Attorney General Seeks End of "Bunny Bliss" -- Will Launch Rabbit Hunt


The state of Alabama is overrun with rabbits. The most common live rabbit in the state is the cottontail, which is found in a variety of locales, and the second most common is the marsh rabbit, which inhabits the marshes and swamps of far southern Alabama.

Rabbit hunting is one of the most popular and necessary sports in the Yellowhammer state, and the season for hunting the varmints there runs from October 1 to February 29 (notify Mitt Romney, please). Alabama Game and Fish.com, the website of a magazine by that name, features numerous articles of advice about the sport, including one entitled "Unusual Ways to Boost Your Bunny Bliss."

Mr. Troy King, Republican Attorney General of Alabama, will soon be out rabbit hunting himself, by his own testimony, and he doesn't have to worry about it being the off-season. The rabbit he will be gunning for is a mechanical one, namely, the vibrator Rabbit.

What is the habitat of this rabbit, and why does this attorney general (who has, among other things, an extremely high rate of violent crime in his state to worry about) have it in his sights? For those of you who may be unfamiliar with such matters, it is essentially a vibrating dildo atop which sits a small rubber rabbit, complete with tiny, upright ears, which also vibrates when the device is running. The little rabbit's purpose, to be direct, is to stimulate the clitoris, while the other part of the device provides internal pleasure. The device produces intense orgasms, and it produces them quickly, and, if desired, in rapid succession.

According to the website TheRabbitVibrator.com, the device has sold in the millions world-wide and is by far the most popular sex toy across the planet. It is here that Mr. Troy King enters the bunny-hatch. He has vowed that he will soon begin enforcing Alabama's official ban on sales of sex toys, and if and when he does so, by inference, the Rabbit Vibrator should be his number one target. He will perforce be seeking to end this most widespread way of boosting bunny bliss in the former capital of the Confederacy.

A decade ago, a fundamentalist-dominated Alabama legislature passed a law called the Anti-Obscenity Enforcement Act. Although the original impetus behind the law was a desire to stamp out nude dancing in parts of a specific county (Madison), it ended up containing a provision forbidding the sale of any device "designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs." The penalty for violating this provision is a $10,000 fine and one year in jail. The owner of a local sex-toy shop quickly challenged the law's constitutionality, and the case began slowly winding its way through the court system. The 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals finally upheld the law--ruling that as silly as it might be, they did not want to create a new right to sexual privacy in order to overturn it--and last October the U.S. Supreme Court declined to review their decision.

Actually enforcing this law, however, is bound to prove problematic. For one thing, despite the Alabama legislature's stab at it, the term "sex toy" still lacks any clear definition--to say the least. For instance, the Magic Wand vibrator manufactured by Hitachi is marketed as a back massager, but almost everyone knows that it is little used for that purpose. Not to mention all sorts of objects that do not need to be manufactured, which in fact I won't mention. The Alabama law contains exceptions for "medical or educational purposes," and you can foresee some places where those might lead (vibrators were utilized in the 19th century by doctors to assist women patients who were, in today's parlance, "pre-orgasmic").

And then there is the biggest problem of all for General King: sex toys of all kinds being freely sold over the internet. In fact, General, get a load of this. If you go to AlabamaRabbit.com, you find three sponsored links: one for University of Alabama dog gear (beagles are used to hunt live rabbits in Alabama); one for the Alabama Bureau of Tourism; and one for "discount adult toys," LoveBetterToys.com. LoveBetterToys.com offers a variety of rabbit-style vibrators, including the High Joy Rabbit Purple BX and the Petite Love Bunny for beginners, which has a protruding nose as well as ears. General, I think you're outflanked.

To what else may Mr. Troy King devote his time and energy if his rabbit hunt comes a cropper? Well, for one thing, since his days in college (when he frequently wrote impassioned letters to the student newspaper on the subject) he has been a dogged and rabid anti-homosexual agitator, and continuing that effort could be consuming. For another, revealingly, his wife recently caught him in bed--their bed--with a younger, rival sex partner (and banished him from their home, reportedly). King had to resign from his position as John McCain's Alabama campaign chair.

It is a fact that in these days of liberated sexuality, many women openly employ their sex toys in front of their partners, so you might wonder, was there by ironic chance a pet rabbit found lurking in the vicinity of this non-conjugal activity? No such finding was reported. But you have to consider, Attorney General King's alleged sex partner on this occasion did not have a clitoris.