In Focus: Overweight College Student Announces Plans To Wear Shorts, Sandals For Rest Of Year
November 20, 2009 12:30 PM
STATE COLLEGE, PA—Kyle Norton stated that he would also forgo a winter coat and continue to don the same coffee-stained sweatshirt he has been wearing since mid-October....
Montessori School Of Dentistry Lets Students Discover Their Own Root Canal Procedures
November 20, 2009 10:15 AM
NEW YORK—"At Montessori, we believe dentistry to be more than just the medical practice of treating tooth and gum disorders," said school director Dr. Howard Bundt. "It's about fostering creativity."...
In Focus: Queen Elizabeth II Announces She's Pregnant Again
November 19, 2009 12:30 PM
LONDON—The queen assured her 59-year-old son, Prince Charles, that he was still special, and the baby would not replace him as the heir apparent to the crown....
Heroin Addicts Pressure President To Stay Course In Afghanistan
November 19, 2009 11:15 AM
LOS ANGELES—As the White House considers sweeping strategic shifts in the war in Afghanistan, heroin addicts across the nation called on......
Opinion: This Would Be The Best Mental Hospital Ever If Elliott Gould Weren't Hiding In The Toilet (by Gregg Clayton)
November 19, 2009 11:15 AM
I've been a patient at the Sunhaven Mental Health Center for about six months now, and I honestly can't say enough about what a fantastic......
Sports: Patriots Lead Colts At Halftime
November 19, 2009 09:15 AM
INDIANAPOLIS—The New England Patriots, playing on the road against a very good Indianapolis team, are headed into halftime with an all-but-insurmountable 24-14 lead....
In Focus: Mammograms
November 18, 2009 01:00 PM
With the highly publicized return of Elizabeth Edwards' breast cancer, American women are being encouraged to take the precautions necessary to......
Middle East Small Talks To Focus On Getting Israel, Palestine To Discuss Weather
November 18, 2009 11:03 AM
LONDON—According to State Department officials, the violently clashing peoples of Israel and Palestine have agreed to resume small talks......
December Named National Awareness Month
November 17, 2009 07:00 PM
WASHINGTON—In an effort to combat what organizers are calling "our current epidemic of complete and utter obliviousness," the American Foundation for Paying Attention to Things has declared December "National Awareness Month."...
In Focus: Report: Majority Of Americans Unprepared For Apocalypse
November 17, 2009 12:45 PM
WASHINGTON, DC—Eighty-seven percent of Americans are "ill-equipped" to deal with solar flares, giant comets, and an all-engulfing Armageddon borne out of God's wrath....
Who Swoons Over 'New Moon'? (by Jackie Harvey)
November 17, 2009 11:45 AM
Item! Guess which vampire franchise is…hold on. I'm going to let you finish, but first let me say that Jackie......
Report: Fiber Optics Not A Real Thing
November 17, 2009 10:30 AM
BOSTON—Members of the world's engineering and telecommunications communities admitted Tuesday that fiber optics, the supposed technological......
In Focus: Oprah Stuns Audience With Free Man Giveaway
November 16, 2009 05:00 PM
CHICAGO—The season premiere of The Oprah Winfrey Show unleashed a surprise for viewers Monday, when host Winfrey presented her studio audience with an unexpected gift: eligible men....
In Focus: Chinese, Ants Announce Alliance
November 16, 2009 10:45 AM
BEIJING, CHINA--The people of China and the world ant community signed a treaty that will establish close relations between the two civilizations....
Greyhound Now Offering Direct Service From Kansas To L.A. Porn Director's Driveway
November 16, 2009 10:45 AM
DALLAS—In an effort to reduce travel times for thousands of customers every year, Greyhound Lines announced Monday that it will now offer......
Nation's Fast Food Patrons No Longer Trusted To Dispense Own Ketchup
November 16, 2009 10:00 AM
WASHINGTON—"We tried to treat our customers like adults, and they took advantage of our generosity," said Burger King CEO Brian Thomas Swette, who was visibly upset after hearing that Americans on average use 14 ounces of ketchup per fast food...
[audio] Pentagon Engineers Develop New Diplomacy Bomb
November 15, 2009 03:30 PM
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland...
Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
November 14, 2009 09:15 AM
ESCONDIDO, CA—Provoked by a presidential administration he believes is guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 46, has become a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave...
In Focus: Organizers Fear Terrorist Attacks On Upcoming Al-Qaeda Convention
November 13, 2009 02:45 PM
ASADABAD, AFGHANISTAN—Fears of possible terrorist attacks have led organizers of the Sept. 27-30 al-Qaeda International Convention to take unprecedented security measures, sources reported Monday....
Man Raised By Wolves Worried He's Slowly Turning Into Father
November 13, 2009 11:15 AM
INVERMERE, BC—Calling it a "real wake-up call," local claims adjuster Paul Koda'wahya told reporters Monday that he has finally reached the......
Jon Stewart gave what seemed like his final word on Sarah...
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Three months ago, we asked for your help in picking the...
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A bloc of African American House Democrats, angry and worried that not...
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When jetting down the highway advertisers only have seconds to catch your eye and keep your interest....
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Conan O'Brien should watch out when he makes fat jokes....
By Samantha Critchell, AP: NEW YORK -- Heidi Klum and her...
LIMA, Peru — A gang in the remote Peruvian jungle has been killing people...
ATLANTA — The first county-by-county survey of obesity reflects past...
As part of NBC's Green Week, many programs are incorporating environmental...