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Holiday Cheers! A Rhyming Farewell to 2013

12/10/2013 10:29 am ET | Updated Feb 09, 2014

Happy hols to you all! It's that time of year
For fruitcake and holly. And I think I hear
Sleigh bells and echoes from a year gone by.
So let's take a tour, just you and I.
A horrid year -- good riddance, you say?
But did you forget to celebrate gay
Marriage (with apparel) in Jersey and Maine,
Maryland, Hawaii? The tide has changed.
All right, it's true, the government shut down.
The GOP did that, but quickly found
That vets were unhappy, sick people too.
Turns out we like government -- who knew?
Healthcare.gov -- What a tangled web(site) we weave!
You can keep your doc! Did POTUS deceive?
And the Texan Ted Cruz? Well, he's no Mr. Smith.
Green Eggs and Ham? He filibusted that myth.
Spy vs Spy! The year of the leak
In Russia does Snowden have freedom to speak?
The NSA sniffs while you correspond,
But Angela Merkel? Wie treu sind deine Freunde!
TV heroes -- an unlikely pair --
Mr. White and Jesse, why do we care?
Meth lord and meth head -- how could it be?
Let's admit that we're powerless over cable TV.
The Year of the Bully, Chris Christie glowers,
And spits and explodes and abuses his powers.
While another obese and vulgar buffoon --
Richie Incognito -- his career is in ruin.
Sing with me! (No, not Jingle Bells)
Daft Punk got lucky -- or they know what sells:
Robot disguises. Don't forget other stars
Like Drake, Arcade Fire, and Kendrick Lamar.
Is the zombie craze maybe, finally (un)dead?
Can we now feast on some other gore instead?
The walkers are slow and dull on TV,
They're speedy but boring in World War Z.
Lou Reed is taking his long final walk
On the wild side, where he will still rock
With Richie Havens, whose heavenly tones
Make harmony with country crooner George Jones.
Goodbye Ed Koch, take your final bow,
Flamboyant Hizzoner (How you doing now?)
It's the hit parade for Edith Bunker,
Thriller Tom Clancy goes on his final hunt for.
For Anglophiles, a royal birth
Prince George of Cambridge, for what it's worth.
Hail Britannia! But an era ends
With the passing of Iron Maggie and friends.
A marathon with a heartbreaking end
On Boylston Street -- we have prayers to send.
An act of terror near MIT
And a manhunt plays out on national TV.
More condolence -- for a Nairobi mall
And the Philippines, where villages fall
To the force of Haiyan, furious typhoon
Aid's on the way, not a minute too soon.
O Madiba! South Africa's star
Shines for the world's oppressed, near and far.
The Cape, Robben Island, Pretoria
Apartheid dismantled, Glor-or-or-ia
Now here's some real news: a pope resigns!
And ascending Pope Francis is wasting no time:
Forget reproduction -- the church is much more --
Here's a novel idea: Love for the poor.
Which brings us back to our only real reason
For gathering here to sing of the season,
With tenderness and mercy. The end is nigh
For 2013, the year gone by.