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Wray Herbert

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Are Parental Decisions Driven by Reason or Emotions?

Posted: 04/06/11 09:59 AM ET

Many young couples face some version of this dilemma today: They've decided they want to have children in the near future -- they're not on the fence about that -- but the financial reality is that they both have to work. They need both their earnings, not for a fancy lifestyle but just to pay the bills and save a bit. So when the day comes that they do become parents, they will almost certainly have to send their young child to some kind of day care, so that they both can continue to work. That's their world.

But in their hearts they believe that children are better off raised at home, by a stay-at-home parent. So they're conflicted emotionally, and as decision time nears, they do what young prospective parents do: They read. They read the best that scientific studies can tell them about the effectiveness of early child care, both in the home and outside. They're not wavering on the big issue of having children; they simply want to be conscientious and well-informed parents.

So let's follow the young couple through this hypothetical: The first study they come across is the so-called Thompson study, which compares kids randomly assigned to either home care or child care. But that's just one study, so they find a second study, known as the Cummings experiment: This study also compares children in day care with stay-at-home kids, but in this research project the kids have been statistically matched on several variables. They are both reputable studies, but with different kinds of designs, and -- here's the frustrating part for the young couple -- the two studies come to opposite conclusions. The results of the Thompson study favor day care, while the Cummings findings strongly support home care.

What's a young parent-to-be to make of this?

This hypothetical scenario, including the imaginary scientific studies, is part of real scientific study, conducted by psychological scientist Eric Luis Uhlmann of HEC Paris. Uhlmann and his colleagues wanted to explore the potential conflicts among parental desires and beliefs and scientific reality to see if parents can be objective consumers of ambiguous research -- or if hopes and fears lead inevitably to wishful thinking. To study this, Uhlmann recruited young volunteers who were much like the couple above. That is, they all considered themselves "very likely" to have children in the future, and all started out with the belief that home care is a better choice than day care for a young child.

Like the hypothetical couples, these prospective parents read the Thompson and Cummings studies -- but with two twists: First, only half the volunteers were conflicted, believing home care was superior but needing to use day care. The others also believed home care to be superior, but they intended to use that option when the time came. Their beliefs were in sync with their intentions.

The volunteers also had different experiences in sifting through the scientific evidence. Half of them read that the Thompson study -- the randomized study -- favored day care, and half read that it favored home care. Similarly, half read that the Cummings study -- the statistically matched study -- favored home care, and half read that it favored day care. In other words, Uhlmann deliberately created a life-like dilemma in which even the best science available to the most conscientious of parents is ambiguous and inconclusive.

Then they asked the parents-to-be lots of questions about the scientific studies, including: Which research design would lead to the most valid conclusions? What are the strengths and weaknesses of each study? How convincing is each of the studies overall? They also asked all the volunteers which form of child care they (now) believed would most benefit their future child. They wanted to see which of the prospective parents were swayed by the science, if any, and in what way.

The results were, well, ambiguous. But a few key findings were clear and intriguing. As described online in the journal Psychological Science, the parents who were conflicted over their future child care plans evaluated the science in a way that was consistent with their desires, but not their beliefs. That is, they viewed the Cummings study positively (compared to the Thompson study) only when its findings supported day care, not when the study favored home care. What's more, the conflicted volunteers responded to the new scientific evidence by dramatically changing their beliefs about the superior form of child care; they no longer believed that day care was markedly inferior to home care. They wanted to believe that their plans would not be harmful to their children, so they read the ambiguous science in a way that bolstered that view. The prospective parents without a conflict, by contrast, remained unchanged in their strong commitment to home care.

These experimental results say absolutely nothing about the relative merits of day care or stay-at-home care. But they do send a warning to parents who see themselves as objective and rational decision makers. Parenting is an emotional business, where even the lessons of science can be trumped by fears, needs and hopes.

 
 
 
 
 
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justsayno
All politicians lie
07:55 AM on 04/07/2011
Or might they just use common sense? Of course a child would be better off raised in the home by it's parents... Of course they may not be able to by all that stuff that most can to ease their guilt for being gone all day... yes common sense....
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MerrieWay
01:53 AM on 04/07/2011
Financial circumstances often dictate parental decisions...survival of the family unit, food and shelter is becoming a prevalent issue. Young couples may not have the option to stay at home. New times, new world.
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gregory57
Micro-bio, was one of my favorite classes.
10:53 PM on 04/06/2011
Are Parental Decisions Driven by Reason or Emotions?

The answer, of course, is Yes.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
11:45 AM on 04/07/2011
Well said. In fact the notion that we turn off emotion to think or turn of reason to feel is false.
05:03 PM on 04/06/2011
Well, of course all of us want to believe, and, probably do believe, that our conscious "rational" mind, that is our brain, guides our behavior and rules our decision-making. But, this is simply not true, or at least not primarily true for almost all of us. Our sub-conscious, our emotional self, really rules the day, and, exerts the primary influence on what we decide to do and how we behave. Many of us believe that our rationalizations are real and are the primary drivers of behavior, but, some of us know, that these are simply little stories we tell ourselves to retain our sanity and our sense of ourselves as being rational, objective decision-makers. Just as marketing communication appeals that are primarily emotionally-driven and emotionally-based are far more attention catching and influential than the ones that think they are rationally-based, our own emotions are far more powerful and influential than any so-called objective reasoning that we may think we are adhering to.

EMOTIONS RULE! We are at our core an emotionally-driven species, and, we likely will always be so.
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RhiannonRings
Childfree and loving it!
03:28 PM on 04/06/2011
These stock photos just keep getting weirder....
02:55 PM on 04/06/2011
The dynamics between two individuals (i.e., parent and child) are far, far too complex to generalize, in my opinion. There is little--but admittedly there is some--cause and effect. I've seen within my own family two single mothers who were out partying most of the time and both kids were completely straight baseball-mother-n-apple-pie individuals who stayed that way their whole lives. (One is 45 years old now and has been a cop for 20 years and never once was swayed towards the party crowd.) And both of these mothers also had second sons who were nothing but trouble and took on mom's partying ways; same environment, same genes, completely different outcomes. I've seen alcoholic parents with kids who abhorred alcohol their whole lives as a result, and other children from the same parents become alcoholic adults themselves.

I think what is forgotten in most analysis is the child's free will to choose what to be influenced by what to be repelled by.
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Nicole Dixson
10:12 PM on 04/06/2011
I completely agree with you. I know as a single mother of an almost 14 year old son with no involvement from dad, I have seen kids in 2 parent households get suspended, expelled and neither parent knows how to handle the situation. I am not talking teenagers, either, I am talking 10 and 11 year old kids. Of course, I don't know what shenanigans my son might get into in the future, but as it currently stands, he still has the mindset that he doesn't want to do anything to disappoint himself, me, his Uncle Gerald (my sister's husband) and his aunts.
02:10 PM on 04/06/2011
Stay at home parents vs working parents - emotional vs financial ....it really does not matter as every adult should do what is best for their family because each one of us is different and can handle things differently. That being said, regardless of which category we fall under, if you cannot for whatever reason give your child the best care, emotional stability, values, morals, understanding, teach them the difference between right and wrong, good from bad, etc etc , then do not become parents please. I see all kinds of kids at my child's school - those whose parents stay home, those who work, those who cannot afford them and those who can afford too much and let me tell you the kids who are screwed up do not come from only one category - it runs the gamut. I think that most of us, parent our children the opposite of the way we were parented. the key is to balance balance balance and if you are a person who likes to like that care free life then do society a favor and keep your zippers zipped!!!!
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MexiChick67
Que? Que? Queee?
01:46 PM on 04/06/2011
When we were faced with this decision, I was secure in knowing that our son would attend the best care care available. Study after study showed that the quality of the day care made a huge difference. The reality was that my husband and I needed to work. My in-laws helped us pay for our day care, which helped us get better day care. Our son had a day care teacher with a masters degree in early childhood development and they had paid assistants who were studying early childhood development. They were perfect. My son was happy and content. Frankly, I could not have care for him better at home. They made me step up my game as a parent. He went to day care 1/2 day until he was 2. My husband and I took jobs at different shifts so that he could spend time at home. After the age of 2 he went full time. It was the best of both worlds.
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peegan
Obama 2012
01:45 PM on 04/06/2011
I think the honest answer is that most parents make this decision based on financial needs. I have heard so many working mothers wish they could be home with their kids instead of putting them in day care. But the life of the stay at home mom and her young children is not what it once was. The stay at home mom is now in the minority, and it can be isolating for both her and her small children.
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Nicole Dixson
10:16 PM on 04/06/2011
I'm a single mother, but even if finances were of no consequence, I would still work and even when he was little, I would have worked. As a mother, I would just like more options. The option to work a day from home or to have a job that ended when school ended or to work less, but to not work at all? That wouldn't be for me.
01:43 PM on 04/06/2011
There's this great book "How We Decide" that talks about rational vs. emotional decisions and when each is best. I apply these to relationships, but they can also be applied to parenting. I talk about this in my book "The Four Factors." See http://thefourfactorsbook.com if you're interested. It's an important topic in relationships and even more important for raising children.
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CompassionateDemocrat
Corporations can't vote
01:24 PM on 04/06/2011
We sacrificed lifestyle for our daughter and my wife not working so she could stay at home with her. We are living in nowhere near the status or neighborhood affluence we had before decided to have her. We wouldn't trade it for anything and, good for us, we are not in the same trouble our friends are (lost jobs, lost income, lost investment value, lost real estate value, etc.) and are living well within our means.

Having a child is definitely an emotional decision: if it were a financial decision we would be extinct.
rafaelrobyns
micro-biotic
02:06 AM on 04/07/2011
In agrarian societies having children is/was a financial decision. I think your prediction of extinction is a little too focused on recent and urban-biased cultural events.
01:14 PM on 04/06/2011
Blockbuster last night. Two girls in the three to four range. happy singing, dancing(including occaisional random pirouettes) . Dad decides this is good time to assert authority.
1 1/2 hr later; kids weeping unconsoulably. Dad having several times bellowed at the girls in a manner far more aggarvating then his children's behavior is now red faced and angry, staff members now far morwe sullen and distracted (then usual) and fellow customers now renting Transmorphers III by accident beacuse fight or flight reflex now ascendant. but dad showed 'em he was boss, he did, he did..
03:25 PM on 04/06/2011
It happens, everybody loses their cool once and a while. Parents are only human and dad's are no excpetion.
09:49 AM on 04/07/2011
dont see whats wrong with kids that age playing around outside. dad needs to chill out
rafaelrobyns
micro-biotic
12:39 PM on 04/06/2011
Telling us about your neighbor's and your gardener's sons is not a study. Not only do two kids have absolutely no value in drawing conclusions, the atmospheres at any given "day care" and "home" can range all over the map. Home can mean attention, reading, and stimulating activity or it can mean time in front of a TV. Daycare can mean positive social interaction, exercise, and stimulating activity or it can mean TV, bad music, and lack of adult supervision. The truth is that either environment can be good for a child and either can be limiting. I happen to think that the socialization is critical and so we chose our day care carefully, and couldn't be happier.
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TYRANNASAURUS
UGH!....people don't taste good.
12:34 PM on 04/06/2011
Are Parental Decisions Driven By Reason Or Emotion?

NEITHER............... most are driven by emotional reactions.
04:45 PM on 04/06/2011
How true.
I was a stay at home mom and it was a direct emotional reaction to my upbringing. My mom was never there for me. I decided I didn't want that for my kids. I felt they needed their parents to be there for them.
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TYRANNASAURUS
UGH!....people don't taste good.
07:19 PM on 04/06/2011
Good for you....more with kids should do that......it's important for them.
rafaelrobyns
micro-biotic
02:10 AM on 04/07/2011
It is a false choice to say that you cannot "be there for your kids" and give them the benefits of socialization and peer interaction in a positive daycare setting.
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Ocheco
12:27 PM on 04/06/2011
The title of this is misleading. It appeared to lead to the subject in general, when the subject is specific to the decision whether or not to use daycare in the early years. Not too interesting when one is past that stage.