01/19/2011 02:13 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Roots and Flowers

I was at a dinner at one of my favorite restaurants when the young woman seated to my right asked me a question. This question went way beyond the usual "where are you from" or "what do you do." What she wanted to know was what she should do.

This young woman was a friend of a friend, so she was acquainted, by hearsay, with my success in helping people understand themselves better by focusing their attention and energy on decoding the way they have unconsciously set up their homes, and actually change their lives by redesigning their home to consciously support their best selves.

Think about it this way: I may be the only interior designer who is actually interested in the design of your interior, of your soul. The home you live in is not just a shell where you keep your things and sleep when you have to: it is a reflection of who you are, of where you have been, and what you think that you deserve.

The SoulSpace Process

The process I use to help my clients decode their homes is called SoulSpace; the home that you recreate after really mining yourself and your desires for clues is also called your SoulSpace, because it is the space where your soul can grow, develop, learn, be nurtured, and recharge.

Elizabeth, my new friend who I had just met at dinner, knew all of this, and so after the basic introductions, she couldn't wait to ask me her question.

"I've lived in six apartments in eleven years," she told me, "but even in the places I've stayed the longest, around three years, I never really decorated. I'm neat, I'm not messy--but I only buy the furniture I really need to put my things away."

"Why do you think that is?" I asked her.

"My only excuse is that I like to be able to move easily. But now I'm 33, and I'm starting to feel like this is not a very grown-up way to live. I have a great roommate in a nice apartment. I still feel like my current situation is temporary, but I would like to find a way to make the place my own. Where should I start?"

Working Inside-Out and Outside-In

Elizabeth thought she was asking for home decorating ideas, but what she was really doing was giving me a clue to her psyche.

It was clear that there was a part of her that has not yet fully "moved in" to her space or her life. I found myself wondering what her career was like, and if she had fully settled into a job; and if she was in an intimate relationship. As we talked further, I learned that she had recently ended a relationship and had also recently taken a new position in a new city.

As a SoulSpace practitioner, my suggestion was to really settle into her home, even if she thought it was going to be temporary. What Elizabeth needed--and what she knew she needed, because it was at the root of her question--was to anchor herself in her space and in her new life and everything else would follow.

Our homes are a mirror of who we think we are; why not set them up to be a mirror of who we want to be?

She also told me that she had a library that she had been moving around from place to place; the books were stored in boxes under her bed. We agreed that she should purchase some bookshelves to house her collection; by taking the time to house and organize her favorite books, she would be showing herself that she really, truly lived where she was. After our discussion, Elizabeth invested in a comfortable and lovely armchair that she would look forward to relaxing in when she came home in the evenings. And on a weekly basis, she recommitted to her home by bringing home fresh flowers to brighten the space.

By deepening her relationship with her home and with herself in her home, she was able to create a secure base so that she could both focus on her career and open herself up to a new era of success and love.

Do you have any questions for Xorin about your home? Drop us a line at or check out the Temple Home blog.