Childhood has been commonly perceived as the carefree years of life or "hakuna matata." However, in today's world, a life of no worries seems to be a rarity. It is common to hear parents say, "It wasn't like this when I was growing up, why is my child always so anxious?" A certain degree of fear and anxiety is normal, but why does it seem like there is a sudden increase of children who suffer from it?
Over the past two decades, there has been a large increase in the diagnosis of anxiety disorders in children. The National Comorbidity Survey- Adolescent Supplement (2010) reported that anxiety disorders were the most common condition and accounted for 31.9 percent of the population. The NCS-A reported that 50 percent of anxiety disorders had their onset by age 6.
It is shocking to imagine a child only 6 years old suffering from early onset anxiety. Imagine an extreme case of a 6-year-old child unable to go to school for the fear of being negatively evaluated and worried about constantly being observed by others.
Parents often believe that the burst of technology, school pressure, and social pressures are main causes of anxiety in children. Of course, all of those external factors are important, however, the most often overlooked truth is parental modeling behavior. Research has illustrated the strong link between childrens' anxiety disorders and parental behavior.
Over the past five years, I have observed extensive data points of children and family interactions both in educational and psychological arenas. A common theme was evident throughout all of these observations: Not only are children exhibiting higher degrees of anxiousness, but society as a whole is fostering a constant state of stress. The average parent intrinsically accepts that living with underlying anxiety is a normal mode of life.
As a parent, you want the best for your child. In providing and caring for your child, you may be unaware of your own unconscious anxieties. While the obvious choices of enrolling your child is in the right school, establishing a good set of friends, creating academic success, and developing the right sense of responsibility, etc. etc. are important, why is your child anxious?
Bringing awareness to your own anxiety is the quickest step to changing your child's anxiety.
How do you model anxiety for your child? Research has shows considerable evidence in parental modeling and anxious behavior. Parental modeling refers to the phenomenon of children learning anxious behavior after watching parents acting in a fearful way. Children absorb behaviors like a sponge. More likely than not, the way you deal with anxiety as a parent, is what your child will model. Children even pick up messages you are not saying to them. Children watch their parents react with fear and anxiety to a certain situation, and subsequently start to copy that anxious behavior.
What messages do you send to your child verbally? It is important to make your child aware of the dangers they may face, and how to take care of themselves. It is equally as important to be aware of the tone, urgency and content of the message you give your children. Parents are installing unnecessary fear and anxiety in their children by dramatizing the tone, exaggerating the situation, and repeating the dangerousness of a particular situation. The more parents repeat threat related concerns to their children, the more likely they are to promote a tendency for their children to search for negative information.
Have you checked-in with your child? Talk to your child, communication is a two way street. Parents forget that children, no matter how young, are aware of their surroundings. Ask your child what they feel anxious about. Pause and really listen. You may be surprised at what you learn and how much of their anxiety is experienced vicariously.
Show Compassion. Be kind to yourself and trust that you can take of yourself and your child. You are doing the best you can, and so is your child. Compassion is the antidote to anxiety.
Parents' care can translate into worry, and children pick worry up from miles away. Take a moment and honestly look at the way you model anxiety for your child. Make sure to have open communication and guide your child through life's obstacles rather than making your child fearful of them.
Yasmin Mossanen is currently a Psy.D. Clinical Doctoral Student at Alliant International University. She was involved in a variety of psychological labs at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), as well mental health clinics working with children and their families in both school and private settings.