Does Height Matter in Politics?

Dennis Kucinich is pretty short. So short that his website even says he is "not that short." And, when I called his office to ask if he would be interviewed for my book, no one ever called me back. If he were tall, would he be hiding from me, a relative unknown, writing a book no one will ever read, for almost no money? Still, he's about four inches taller than I am, which is why I'm allowed to talk about this stuff.

Statistically speaking, on the basis of height alone, he doesn't have a chance. Here is a list of candidates who have defeated a taller opponent to win the presidency, since the ubiquity of television, until the year 2000:

Richard Nixon (5'11 ½)
Jimmy Carter (5'9)

Two candidates. By 2000, the statistics (and statistics don't lie) were so daunting, that it was an impossibility that George W. Bush would defeat not one but two taller candidates, proving once and for all that he stole both elections. But we're not here to talk about the rape and murder of our nation. We're here to talk about something important: height discrimination.

Here is how most people think politics works: 1. Officials measure the candidates' heights. 2. The taller candidate wins. 3. The nation goes bankrupt. Wild dogs roam the once ornate office buildings of our cities' former financial districts. The wind rustles through the weeds that have sprouted up in long forgotten halls of industry. Somewhere, a cougar lies in wait for a band of nomads, going it alone in a wasteland of tattered dreams.

But, forget for a minute about whether a slight height difference confers an electoral advantage. Here is a list of candidates of below average height who have won their party's nomination since the ubiquity of television:

Michael Dukakis (5'8)

One candidate of below average height--and not even that far below average. Have you no shame, two political parties in America? At least the independents have crazy billionaire Ross Perot (5'7) and (potentially have) not-insane billionaire Mike Bloomberg (5'7). Anyways, here is a chart showing some interesting presidential heights.

Since height-ism, or "smallotry" (bigotry against small people), has made it so there are no short figures in U.S. Presidential politics, I am providing the following list of interesting short politicians, courtesy of my book, The Short Book. I think you will enjoy it. If you don't, buy ten copies of the book and burn them--to really stick it to me.

Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi--5'3--The greatest non-violent freedom fighter in history campaigned throughout his life for India's independence and for the rights of the lower classes. His height was of no concern to him, as he believed "the strength of the soul grows in proportion as you subdue the flesh."

Queen Victoria--5'0--Queen of England from 1837-1901, Victoria was the longest reigning monarch in that nation's history. As the story goes, for every inch of her height, she added another layer of petticoats, thus becoming the second person ever to be wider than she was tall. The first person was "Barrel-Belly" Saunderson (b. 1812), a woman I made up who was born the shape of a disproportionate barrel.

Kim Jong Il--5'2--The North Korean dictator is 5'2 or 5'3 but he also wears 4- inch elevator shoes. This is without a doubt the least odd of his many eccentricities.

Haile Selassie I--5'4"--Rastafarians believe that this diminutive former Emperor of Ethiopia is literally God. Not bad for a short guy.

Barbara Boxer--4'11--The junior senator from California is the shortest member of the Senate, and stands on a portable platform known as the "Boxer Box" when she speaks at a lectern. She uses the "Boxer Flask" when things get too slow in subcommittee meetings. Those old guys can talk forever.

So that is just a few.

A question I get a lot, because I am an expert, and because I am unemployed and volunteer my time at a college political group's crisis hot-line, is: "What can I do if I am a short politician and hoping to win election?" Good question. Here are a few things that one prominent politician does to seem taller:

Arnold Schwarzenegger is about 5'9-5'10, but he claims he is around 6'1-6'2. Luckily he is a movie star, and movie stars are known liars and agnostics. He uses movie star tricks to seem taller, such as wearing cowboy boots, upstaging his colleagues and opponents so he will be closer to the camera, and making his hair stand up an extra 2 inches. In staged photo ops, wires hanging from the ceiling hold up his hair, but in situations where he has to move around a lot, he has a person behind him blowing a fan directly at the back of his head to keep his hair flowing skyward. This was a trick he learned from Linda Hamilton in the Terminator movies.

You can find out more about The Short Book at www.smallotry.com.

Comments

[zkanin]

Hey everyone, thanks for your comments! I am slowly responding to them over the next week or so on my blog: www.smallotry.com, so come check it out.

[Sidewhispers]

A good personal stylist would do wonders for Kucinich. There are so many tricks to hide shortness: wearing sleeves and pant legs that are too short, for instance. He should try to get Tom Cruise's tailor.
Anyway Dennis, you are a David to the many dumb Goliath's out there.

[prochange]

I would prefer if the emphasis would be on IQ. Even if I do not really believe in IQ tests, I still would be more comfortable if a candidate is judged by his IQ instead of his or her height.

[fairness4all]

There is no such thing as "short man syndrome." It is terribly ignorant and narrow-minded to believe in that kind of nonsense.

Personalities come in all shapes and sizes. Kucinich has more guts and character than most of the people running. He knows that the impeachment of Cheney is necessary to purge our country of this criminal administration. He tries to be fair to almost everyone. Too bad he wants to give special privileges to those who enter the U.S. illegally.

At the "debate" last week he said he was "offended" by the term illegal when referring to immigrants who come here illegally. His explanation was that no person is illegal. That's right, Dennis. As PERSONS they are not illegal. But if they come here without following the proper legal procedure, they most certainly ARE illegal as immigrants.

If he opposed illegal immigration he may lose a few illegal votes by illegal immigrants and others who support illegal immigration. But he could more than make up for it by picking up votes of the millions of liberals who oppose illegal immigration as well as millions more from people near the center and several million more who lean further right.

[gevan]

No mention of Hillary Clinton's height here? She doesn't look very tall to me. Let's see Clinton and Kucinich stand back to back with a ruler balanced on their heads, please.

[vippy]

Kucinich all the way - there is no other!

[lovethesinner]

I loved this post. The writing reminded me of Groucho Marx. (not bad for a short guy) I want to complain about one of your facts, though.

Arnold Schwartzenneger is only 5'7" short. I stood behind him at a Swenson's Ice Cream Parlor in Santa Monica while he very politely chatted up the register girl who seemed to be talking to a movie star for the first time in her life. I had a long wait while she failed to muster up the courage to either make a pass or ask for his autograph so I got a real good look at the top of his head which seemed to be squeezed from out of his Gold's Gym tanktop without the aid of a neck.

I'm 5'9 and 1/2" tall (I say tall because 5'9" is exactly average) so there's no way he's the height you mentioned in your otherwise fine post.

Just thought you'd appreciate the correction, even though it's too late to fix your book. (Maybe you could tell people it was intended to be a comedy)

[Citizenofreality]

As a short person myself I enjoyed your post, but wasn't Taft 5'11" whether he was measured vertically OR horizontally?

[Mariel]

Dennis Kucinish was the only candidate who gave a good answer to the question about continuing Roe v. Wade. As all the other candidates, he supports Roe, but he qualified this to say we also need to give extensive support to moms and babies before and after delivery, and reduce the need for desperation abortions. Everyone else just muttered "settled law" and let them pass on. Kucinich at least recognizes that abortion is a very bad solution, which he believes should be legal, but we should work against. I really like him in most respects. I may have to vote for Huckabee, though, because even though I am a libera on most issues, I am also pro-life, and I am "legion." My position used to be the standard for liberals.

[mosh]

Pretty good post for a short guy.

I liked the illustrations too, but, being anally inclined (and too tall to tell any tales) I feel I must correct any misappropriations made about pogo sticks. Pogo sticks weren't invented until very much after James Madison kicked the proverbial bucket(which is very similar to the actual bucket he stood on when addressing the proverbial crowd). Madison stood on a bucket or, in a pinch, a barrel (which made him a giant among men), and/or in those more backward areas of this great nation where a bucket or barrel was not forthcoming, he stood on the occasional hog's head. I kid you not. Look it up.

[LITU]

The above-average height Obama, the shoulda-woulda-coulda candidate, will never get my vote, and I have every intention of writing in Kucinich's name on the voter's ballot, no matter the outcome of the nomination.

The only substantive candidates in the Las Vegas debate (?) were Kucinich (by a landslide), Richardson a close second, Dodd whom I also like, and Biden who knows it all but can't seem to turn anyone on.

[darker]

Yes, politics is all about height and not brains.
It's also about how fabulous your publicist is, and your advertising team.

If they can sell something as silly and stupid as shampoo, they'll be able to sell Americans a FAKE IMAGE POLITICIAN, no matter what height.

Voting in America isn't about the voter chosing somebody. It's about publicists selling the voter bullshit, and the silly, manipulated American voter buying this crap. For example, FAKE COWBOY Bush: with no character, no content, just "a character"-- you'd never want to have a beer with.

[RaisingAwareness]

This is a hilarious article but at the same time very sad because there is a lot of truth here.

Hopefully people will decide to suppress this materialistic mindset when dealing with critical issues such as choosing our next president.

Dennis Kucinich is by far the most capable, honest and inspiring presidential hopeful on the Democratic side. On the Republican side, I'd consider Ron Paul as the most qualified. I feel that these two have their hearts in the right place and a showdown between these 2 candidates might be a true reflection of what Americans think and feel. Of all the potential candidates, I can't imagine a more exiting match-up than this.

BTW, in the most recent CNN debate here is the breakdown of time allotted to the different presidential candidates:

Obama 18:09
Clinton 15:55
Richardson 14:06
Edwards 10:43
Biden 9:15
Dodd 7:10
Kucinich 5:37

http://www.dennis4president.com/go/newsroom/dennis-makes-the-most-of-his-limited-time-in-cnn-debate/

[Shizzlewhizzle]

Jefferson was 6 4. I have read. Tall like Abe.

[Shizzlewhizzle]

Hitler 5-5, Mussolini 5 feet. Now that little bastard really had the short syndrome.