Hip Hop star DMX showed his demons on Iyanla, Fix My Life and it was revealing.
DMX sought an intervention for womanizing and seemed surprised when Iyanla Vanzant told him that womanizing was a symptom of other issues going on in his life. Iyanla had done her homework, and she knew of his temper, multiple arrests, drug use and subsequent strained family ties.
Iyanla masterfully removed the DMX factor from the equation to focus on the rapper's relationship with his family, specifically, that nonexistent bond between a father and son.
DMX's adult son Xavier said that he lost respect for DMX because he mistreated his mom, (DMX's estranged wife, Tashera Simmons).
Xavier recalled an incident when he witnessed DMX kiss another woman in a recording studio. DMX dismissed the kiss; the son countered that the kiss was a betrayal of his mother.
DMX countered that the other women meant nothing to him; they were the physical partners for the moment, and Tashera was his partner for life. In other words, DMX felt that his dirty little habit of sleeping with other women while married to Tashera did not mean that he loved his wife any less and his family should have understood that.
DMX struggled to make the connection between his womanizing and the nonexistent relationship with Xavier. He refused to make the connection between his womanizing and his estranged marriage to Tashera, the love of his life.
DMX felt that his family abandoned him and that they did not love him unconditionally.
I removed DMX from the equation as I pondered how everyday married men defined unconditional love. Is today's married man expected to be only as faithful as his options allow? Does he expect his wife to overlook the other women that he sleeps with?
Does this married man recognize how philandering behavior may ruin his relationship with his spouse and child?
Back to DMX's definition of unconditional love. On Fix My Life, DMX refused to accept that if he were to repair his relationship with Xavier, drugs could no longer be a part of his life. DMX threatened that if Xavier put the condition of sobriety on the table, the reunion wouldn't happen. DMX told his son that he wouldn't see him again until his own funeral, "now give me a hug."
Xavier was shattered and Iyanla -- who remained remarkably cool during the show -- told DMX he could never speak to her again.
With that, DMX stood abandoned again.
I believed DMX's pain about being alone, but I also believe that his definition of unconditional love is skewed.
Unconditional love does not require you to turn the other cheek when your spouse is spreading his love around. Unconditional love does not require you to step aside and say nothing as your loved one descends into a drug-fueled hell; because in time, he will take you with him.
Tashera's decision to distance herself and her child until DMX curbed his bad behavior and/or sought professional help was not abandonment; it's the highest form of love there is, and it could save his life.