Huffpost Style
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Zondra Hughes Headshot

For Men Only: the Truth About Single Women

Posted: Updated:

If you're a single man of means, you probably believe that all women are out to lasso you, entrap you, walk you down the aisle, take you home and give you gorgeous babies.

Your male friends have probably told you that we're plotting to limit your options, so we make you unattractive by dressing you in funny-looking clothes and then feeding you until you're too fat to wear those clothes. This is true. All of it. Some of us may get the chronology mixed up, i.e., making you unattractive before walking you down the aisle, but the end result is the same. You've been warned.

I'm only kidding, guys.

Now that we've gotten that silly misconception out of the way, here's the truth about what single women really think about men and relationships.

The Intimidation Myth:
Women were not put on earth to intimidate or degrade our potential helpmates.
In the workplace, at home and abroad, women adore men that are responsible, kind and committed. A grown woman blessed with a healthy self-esteem and sense of self, is not in competition with you. She does not want to take your place in the world. She wants you to grow, flourish and be the man you are destined to be.

On the flip side, if you are not on her team, and you are not interested in her growth, she wants you to just step aside and let her do her thing. No drama. No David vs. Goliath showdowns. Just step aside.

Storybook Romance Myth:
No two women are the same and thus our definitions of romance vary. Storybook expectations depend on the book she's reading. Some women want that Omar Epps vs. Sanaa Lathan Love & Basketball intensity. Some women want that slaphappy, he's-fat-but-he's-my-teddy bear kinda love, as in the sitcom, The King of Queens. Some adore the tender playfulness of The Huxtables. Some crave the ghetto fabulous, skid-row kinda love of Bobby & Whitney. We all have an expectation of what our romance should be and that notion is deeply rooted in our family values and upbringing.

So, if you're a Huxtable kinda guy and she's a Bobby & Whitney kinda gal, well, you're not equally yoked and yours is a love story that's destined for an unhappy ending.

The Monogamy Myth:
Allow me to be clear on this point: Women would prefer to be monogamous. We want to believe that you are monogamous. However, if your other women are ringing our cell phones and if you're working double-shifts -- without the paycheck to prove it -- then all bets are off.

Girls that have been hurt will cheat with the best of them, and cheaters wear many faces: Innocent girls cheat. Church ladies cheat. Curvy girls cheat. Girls that wear glasses cheat. Girls that wear big hats cheat. Girls that wear jogging pants cheat. Golden Girls cheat. Girls with children cheat. Choir Girls cheat. Girls who listen to Reggae cheat. Blondes cheat. Brunettes cheat. Blondes with telltale brunette roots cheat, and on it goes.
However, if you remain committed and monogamous, then so will she.

But if you cross your woman, she will head to the Bahamas so fast that your head will spin. And she will cheat. Trust me on this one.

Here's a final thought: A real woman isn't desperate for your wedding ring.
A real woman doesn't want to waste your time -- and she doesn't want you to waste hers.
A real woman doesn't degrade you or bring you down.
A real woman doesn't judge you by what you earn or what you drive.

To a real woman, nothing is more attractive than a sincere man of substance that she can look up to. If you're that man of substance, that real woman will become your real woman in due time.