Hey -- Where's My Barack?!

It was bound to happen--you're gradually becoming the lover from hell.

If you ask your mate, he'll tell you that you've become a rude Judy. A mean Mary. A flip Felicia. And it's as obvious as that glimmer in President Obama's eye every time he's with the First Lady.

And you know why:

You've witnessed our president swagger to the podium, long, lean and powerful--the very embodiment of GQ.

You've listened to his unifying, empowering speeches.

You've seen him extend an olive branch time and again to former political adversaries--and gasp!--even make room for them at the table of Hope and Change.

Oh, and you've watched him dance till dawn.

And then--BAM!--suddenly that man of yours isn't quite up to par.

And you've become really mean about telling him so.

Shame on you girlfriend!

And that poor guy doesn't have a clue about the origins of your random fits of anger and disappointment--that boatload of spite that's heading his way--or that has been popping up since the Inaugural.

For some suddenly disappointed ladies, the insults begin with a trickle: "Why don't you take me dancing like you used to? Oh that's right, you're addicted to Guitar Hero. Carry on."

Other disgruntled ladies deliver an offside kick out of nowhere: "Hey, Big Boy, why don't you shimmy your body rolls into your gym shorts and play basketball like our president does? Oh, that's right. You can't abandon your perfect-ass groove-in-the-couch project. Super Bowl is approaching and it must be just right. I totally understand."

And, alas, there are the Queens of Mean, these ladies go straight for the jugular: "Honey, is there a Wii program for bedroom moves? I can no longer afford the acting classes. You know, with our revised family budget and all..."

Let me be the first to apologize, guys.

On behalf of your suddenly mean girlfriend or wife, I'm sorry.

We know not what we do when we know what we like and we suddenly realize we're not getting it.

But we love you, anyway.

We think...

Comments

[jackson1015]

05:49 PM on 02/02/2009

I just call my boyfriend the anti-Barack. It's the only way I can cope :)

[mommamia526]

05:48 PM on 02/02/2009

Yes, and some of us have already unloaded those guys who were not quite on par with Barack! A long time ago! I recently dreamed about Barack, but, unfortunately, he was just running up the stairs, smiling - he knows how attractive he is, but I am too old, and he is not going to do THAT! This was a nice reprieve from all the rest of the articles. Please report to us when Barack starts appearing in YOUR dreams too. I hope it will be more exciting than my dream was. Oh, and I see I got an email from the President. I am going to sit down and read all of it - it is a long page, something about economics - and hosting a party. Maybe I should buy a new silk dress before I read it.

[Turquoise]

05:30 PM on 02/01/2009

Loved it! He is raising the bar really high for all the other guys out there... Let's see if he can change the men we want to believe in.. :)

[spaceghost06]

02:08 PM on 02/02/2009

He can't change the men but you can. If you want to believe in your man, believe in him. Free him to become all that he can become, like Michelle did with Barack. Seriously, how many wives/girlfriends after he lost an election to Bobby Rush would've said, 'You need to stop running for office. I mean what has it gotten you. You spent all this time away from me and your daughter. You need to take that Harvard law degree and get a corporate job downtown, make some $$$, so we can be comfortable and put away $$$ for your daughter's education and take a vacation once in awhile.' But she didn't do that, she supported him and allowed him to follow his calling and destiny, now she is the First Lady of the US.

[Ingrid Larkin]

12:11 PM on 01/31/2009

This is as brilliant as it is absolutely hilarious! Thanks for sharing and speaking truth always.

[kdavis02]

10:48 AM on 01/31/2009

This is hilarious! And so true.