The Sotomayor Smackdown Ensues

05/25/2011 01:25 pm ET

Just when I thought the Conservative talking heads have hit rock bottom, they've begun to dig.
Here I am, fuming on the outskirts of the Judge Sonia Sotomayor debacle as the conservative bulldogs rip her work record and reputation to shreds. I've been waiting patiently, for someone to just stand up and proclaim,bullsh*t!

Now, if I am to believe the talking radio gods on the far right of the radio dial, Judge Sonia Sotomayor is racist against the disenfranchised, genteel white man. And she wants to take away their guns, or to be more specific; their right to bear the two sticks on a chain -- aka Nunchuks -- on the pristine, peaceful, crime-free streets of New York.

(I'm not too familiar, but can the deployment of rapid fire Nunchuks stop a stray New York bullet, anyway? Just asking.)

Oh, yeah, Judge Sotomayor is stuck up -- I mean, who does Judge Sonia soh-toh-my-YORZ think she is, by expecting that her name be pronounced correctly?

Is everyone really expected to speak in an unnatural dialect just to please her?
Just what in the hell is this conservative White man's world coming to?

What's next on the agenda of sexist hateration? The way Judge Sotomayor wears her hair?
And who will come to her defense?

Where's my favorite Latina judge, Marilyn Milian of The People's Court? I'm sure she has a word or two for those blueblood bad boys. Does Judge Milian know that the legion of Diva Feministas like myself are waiting on her fire-and-brimstone rebuttal?

Did she get our e-mail?

OK, enough already, guys.

My dearest level-headed, gentle-as-a-baby's-first-breath Rush Limbaughers, please call off the hounds, and give Judge Sotomayor the opportunity to put her life's experiences and mastery of the law -- overwhelmingly the laws created by your fair and balanced brethren -- to work in the highest court in the land.

What's blocking your approval, anyway?

Is it that Judge Sotomayor doesn't resemble the Supreme Court Justice nominee that you had in mind?

Is it that she could quite possibly become the first Hispanic female justice, nominated by the country's first black president, further cementing the notion that a truly post-race America is inevitable?

How can we get past this fork in the road? I have a few ideas:

If it will help you, please ignore that President Barack Obama nominated her.

If it will help you, please forget that behind Judge Sotomayor's irresistible smile lies empathy. As we all know, the U.S. Supreme Court is no place for empathy to be practiced. The travesty!

If it will help you, please ignore that she is a woman who, against all odds, made her own way in your world.

If it will help you, please ignore her ethnicity -- and what a historic appointment this would be -- for that matter.

And because it will help Diva Feministas like myself, we will ignore you.