Psychologist: Bullies Know They Are Bullying

The much-talked about documentary Bully hits select theaters on Friday. The film follows one year in the lives of bullied kids and their families.

I sat down with L.A. based psychologist Dr. Joel Liebowitz to talk about the issue. Liebowitz deals with children and teens and issues involving bullying, which he explains can carry long term effects on the victim akin to post-traumatic stress disorder. This obviously not only leaves lasting marks on the victim, but society as well.

Zorianna Kit: What makes this generation of bullies different?

Dr. Joel Liebowitz: I think ultimately there is no difference. The only addition to this generation is what we now call cyber bullying. There are electronic means of being anonymous and doing the same things that were done usually face to face. But I don't think it's any less or any more than it ever was.

ZK: Has the attitude towards bullying changed in our society?

JL: It's beginning to change. When teachers and other administrators used to say, 'Let the boys work it out; let the girls work it out,' we know that is not realistic. Kids don't have the tools very often to work it out, they don't know how to deal with conflict resolution. In fact they don't have the ability to do it. They need the administration. They need other professionals to teach them how. There has to be an attitude of zero tolerance so they all feel safe.

Schools -- in many cases not enough -- are beginning to understand there are liabilities that they didn't appreciate before, both social and financial, if they do not address the issue.

ZK: Why didn't this change happen sooner?

JL: I think the cultural attitude was such that kids will just work it out or 'This stuff just happens, don't make a big deal about it.' So there was kind of a conspiracy of silence, not with intention to leave people at risk, but because it was just not recognized to have long lasting effects. Some kids who were bullied suffered loss of self-esteem and issues of relationship throughout their life as a result.

ZK: Do bullies know that they're being bullies?

JL: The current thinking is that bullies mean to inflict emotional and physical pain. They expect the action to hurt and they take pleasure from the distress it causes. That is what we believe to be the case, typically. The bully is quite aware. It's an imbalance of power. And the bullies understand that. Bullying also tends to be an ongoing event. It happens more than once and it happens over and over again. There's a pattern.

ZK: Why does someone decide to bully?

JL: We used to think maybe they were kids with low self-esteem. But it's not so. There are bullies that range from confident and sometimes popular kids who actually enjoy throwing their weight around and having a feeling of a sense of superiority over others. There are friendless loners who look for opportunities to bully when no one will stop them. There are all kinds of bullies. They don't come in just one form.

ZK: Are we getting better as a society in handling this issue?

JL: I don't think it's getting worse. In fact, I think it's much more clear to people that there is a real problem and it needs to be addressed. People are now becoming more conscious and more responsive in a way that they did not previously in other generations. It used to hide in the shadows but kids are becoming aware and bystanders are being more proactive. Administrations are being much more responsive. And while parents perhaps don't always see or understand, I think they can be brought to an awareness through education, through intervention programs, and through media.

 

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Comments

[yeskia]

06:55 AM on 04/06/2012

Bullying affects every facet of society, not only students. Workplace bullying may in fact be the continuation of school bullies who now practice their destructive behaviour in the adult world.
Until one experiences bullying first hand, then one cannot fully appreciate or understand the devastating effects caused by bullying.
Bullying destroys lives, and currently there are no federal laws preventing bullying. Bullies bully with impunity, and in my opinion, bullying is condoned in the implied "reward and punishment" US workplace culture of aggression and intolerance of difference.

[JuliannaSmith]

07:45 AM on 04/04/2012

Of course the bullies know what they are doing. There is really no assurance of bullying totally disappear However there are ways to prevent it. Like what we have done to keep our children free from this type problem. We have installed a security system on our phones that will allow us to be alerted and informed if an incident occur. We as parents or even our close friends can immediately respond to our children's need. This can make a huge difference in preventing our kids from being bullied. You should try this as this can protect your family. This has also a lot of features. http://SafeTREC.com

[see-ellen2001]

10:05 PM on 04/01/2012

I always got tired of the 'poor bully' attitude wherein we must find out why the bully is so troubled. We have to ask "what is this person getting out of this?". Answer: Bullies enjoy oppressing others. Period. Why is it so hard to believe; we just have to view the adults in our world to know it is not out of the ordinary.

[Gregg-O]

01:09 AM on 04/01/2012

With all due respect to Dr.Liebowitz , this 1972 HS dropout could have told you most of this long ago. With the addition of cyber-bullying , YES, it's getting worse. Long ago at least you had the freedom of leaving it at school, you also had teachers that could/would do something about it if they saw it. Now teachers end -up with law suits against them if they interfear. What I don't understand is why these kids don't speak-up, and why they don't reject the cyber part, I don't own a cell phone, but most people I ask say that they can block anyone they want...WHY is this not being done by the victims? I went thru all 3 stages of this...I was bullied, I bullied my bully's a year or so later when I got bigger than them, and before I left H.S. I stood up against bullie's.

[RossEllis]

09:36 AM on 03/30/2012

With all due respect to Dr.Liebowitz who says he doesn't think bullying is getting worse, I disagree, As the leading national anti-bullying organization in the country our office gets over 100 calls a week and approximately 50 emails a day from kids and parents about bullying situations. Our HelpChat Line which started in June has helped over 1600 students and saved 49 lives. We visit schools and speak with kids. They're broken from the torment. So while I agree with the doctor as to why kids bully and people being more aware of the issue -- we're here everyday and it's heartbreaking to hear these childrens' stories.

Ross Ellis
Founder and Chief Executive Officer
STOMP Out Bullying
www.stompoutbullying.org

[addisonsteele]

06:30 PM on 03/29/2012

Bullies are similar to domestic abusers. Most studies have established that domestic abusers make conscious decisions to abuse and how to abuse (beatings where bruises won't show, limits on how much damage to inflict, etc.). In addition, very few domestic abusers suffered abuse themselves as children, so, unlike those who sexually abuse children, most of whom were sexually abused as children, they are not somehow "driven" to commit abuse.