POLITICS
03/28/2008 02:45 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

O'Reilly Reports On "Major Victory" In The Non-Existent 'War' On Christmas

Have you heard about this "war" on Christmas? It seems to come earlier every year. In fact, the only thing that seems to come even earlier are the massive Christmas decorations that infest every retail establishment in the country once you get within a week of Halloween. Why, if it weren't for this "war" on Christmas, there's little doubt we'd have the halls decked and the gay apparel donned as early as May!

Naturally, wherever there is pointless, addlebrained demagoguery over idiotic, non-existent conflicts, you are sure to find Fox News' Bill O'Reilly--the millionaire celebrity field general in this "annual conniption fit." And today we find him at full bray, likening a picayune municipal decision regarding Christmas decorations in Fort Collins, Colorado to a major victory over religious persecution, as if they were feeding Christians to the lions or something.

BILL O'REILLY: Also in Fort Collins, Colorado, the anti-Christmas task force, which recommended banning traditional decorations on public property has been rebuffed. The folks said no. ...It's a great victory.

Well, you know what? Let's stand and applaud O'Reilly for the "great victory." Seeing as he's a man who's faith is so fragile and feckless that the store clerk at Walgreens can shatter its firmament simply by saying "Happy Holidays," a smidgen of disingenuous kindness is the best present he could possibly receive this season.