03/28/2008 02:45 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Bill O'Reilly's Struggles With The Interwebs

Happy Christmas, everyone! War is over! No, not that war. The 'War' On Christmas! So sayeth the Clown Admiral of the 'War' On Christmas, Bill O'Reilly, after the weird voice in his head that kept telling him that such a war existed apparently lapsed into silence.

And yet, the secularists rejoice, because none of this means that O'Reilly's status as a buffoon par-excellence will be in any way diminished. Case in point: O'Reilly's ongoing exertions to understand the internet and its dangers - a key component of his overall weltanschauung. In one of his extended conversations on the subject with Mary Katherine Ham, O'Reilly demonstrates that his knowledge of the subject hasn't advanced much beyond ancient Sandra Bullock thrillers.

What was your favorite part? Bill's portentious bleat, "Evil now has a conduit it has never had in the history of civilization." The part where Mary Katherine has to provide an explanation for how online porn is procured? Fox getting porny, as per usual?

Really, our favorite? Bill's credit card paranoia: "Ahhhh, you put your credit card online like that, you're insane! Because every idiot in the world's gonna get it!"

Naturally, one of those "idiots" is Bill O'Reilly, whose own website boasts a newly opened Christmas Store, which invites online credit card purchases. Oh, holy night!