If the would-be Broadway-bound musical Lone Star Love is half as entertaining as the backstage drama, then sign us up: Randy Quaid, the show's former star, has been banned from the Actors' Equity union for life because of abusive, lewd and just plain crazy behavior during the show's Seattle run. Quaid has also been fined $81,572, which equals two weeks pay for the cast of the $6.5 million show; producers claim they had to prematurely close because of Quaid's hi jinks. The Post's Michael Riedel got the rap sheet:
* Quaid hit an actor on the back of the head four times during performances. When the stage manager told him to stop, he smacked the actor again.
* Another actor was warned that if he made direct eye contact with Quaid onstage, he'd be fired.
* Quaid made "sexually inappropriate" comments onstage, repeatedly referring to an actress' musical instruments as her "gynecological instruments."