03/28/2008 02:45 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Scenes From the GOPocalypse: Ingraham Sets Up CPAC For Disappointment

Laura Ingraham had the task of introducing Mitt Romney today, and took to the stage in seeming ignorance of the fact that Romney was going to drop out of the race. Warming up the crowd with thoughts of Zombie Reagan rising from his grave to wreak his awesome vengeance, she exhorted, "I think we deserve a candidate who is proud to be a conservative and who embodies conservative ideals. Is that too much to ask?" She went on:

INGRAHAM: Conservatism has the three interlocking chambers for a reason. National security, social conservatives, of course economic conservatives. They are all together for a reason. They win.

They win silver medals, apparently!

INGRAHAM: You are the foot soldiers of the Reagan revolution. And of all the people introducing the three remaining candidates for president, I get to introduce the conservative. Now I don't have to calm down about it because it's really easy. You know his resume, but he is a national security conservative. He is a proud social conservative. And he is a fiscal conservative. In other words, Mitt Romney is the conservative conservative.

And now he's quit. But don't be sad, Laura! You still have all those awesome jokes about liberals to fall back on! "Sean Penn endorsed Hugo Chavez." That's gold! You should take that act on the road! Preferably, the middle of a busy one.