07/22/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

United States Now Filled With Terrorists, Apparently

Because everyone in America forgot about 9/11, and failed to buy a sufficient amount of non-circulating Liberian legal tender currency commemorative tributes to the World Trade Center, the whole country is lousy with terrorists:

The nation's terrorist watch list has hit one million names, according to a tally maintained by the American Civil Liberties Union based upon the government's own reported numbers for the size of the list.

ONE MILLION TERRORISTS! That totally dwarfs the entirety of al Qaeda, living on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border. And while these stateside terrorists are restricted from flying, their subprime hovels are a decisive step up from the caves they live in abroad. The time is now for John McCain to order a troop Surge back here at home, and rightfully become the American President America has been waiting for in America to destroy America in order to save America from Americans.

Polls still show Senator Barack Obama ahead, but surely now everyone will realize that Obama plans to refine his position on Iraq by ordering this mighty million-strong terrorist army to invade Iraq and install William Ayers as its dictator/Weatherman oil baron. The details of this exciting new Obama policy will be detailed in full in a hilarious cartoon on the cover of the next New Yorker.