08/11/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Thought Process Flowchart: Ted Stevens

Alaska's hypersenior U.S. senator, Republican Ted Stevens, has pled not guilty on charges he lied about receiving $250,000 in gifts from oil contractors, including the remodeling of his home. The apoplectic technophile has already asked for and received a speedy September trial date, and he's delighted. Stevens is hoping to clear his name before the election and avoid bringing his six-decade-long public service career to an even more shameful conclusion.

But the FBI says it has proof galore in its case against Stevens. So, as ever, we imagine the inner workings of the Last Frontier's indignant, backroom-dealing elder statesman and ask: What was he thinking?

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