09/11/2008 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

"Death of a Bureaucrat": Or, His Rehabilitation Via A Second Act, Which May Be Some Sort Of Metaphor

Here's another full-on musical improv show from Baby Wants Candy, captured with occasionally wobbly hand-held digicam and the geeky enthusiasm of someone weaned on musical theater.The suggested title from the audience was "Death of a Bureaucrat," and this is as fair a representation as I can muster, in the style of old-timey liner notes, like they had back in the days before iTunes. As for the title of this post, take from it what you will.

"Death of a Bureaucrat" by Baby Wants Candy, the full cast of which may be found here.


"Harder and Harder" - A cold, anonymous government office, where nothing is easy and everything difficult must be filled out in triplicate. At the center of the bureacracy is Desk Five, a young man angry at the world and at his mother.

Scene: A fresh-faced new girl talks to her more experienced colleague: "My name is Sandy!" "My name is Desk Five." "Gee, I wonder when I'll lose my identity!" Then she goofs and calls him "Desk Seven," hitting a nerve: "Desk Seven is an asshole!"

"Fourteen Bullets" - A Desperate Gunman, at the end of his rope, storms the building, looking for vengeance: "I want to make the tape bleed red."

"Perfect Wedding Day" - The young man, denied his marriage license by the bureaucracy, returns to his bride-to-be to tell her the worrisome news. She sings to her betrothed of her dreams of a perfect wedding.

"Now" - Desk Five, still angry at the world and at his mother, runds into Desk Seven, who taunts him: "You're just like my mother!" "Why, does she have a big dick?" Embittered by the exchange, he turns and finds himself staring straight into the barrel of the gun, as the Desperate Gunman confronts him, demanding to see his supervisor. His supervisor is Desk Seven. What to

"Bachelor Party" - The Uncertain Groom gets a bachelor party thrown for him by his buddies, complete with a "cop" who has "cited" them for "disturbing the peace."

...they sing of how they wish they, too, were getting married, and the groom hesitantly confides his second thoughts.

"Make Your Own Story" - The Desperate Gunman, blood now on his hands, bursts through to another part of the building and runs into Meredith, who has come to renew her voter registration before the wedding, and Sandy, who just has a bad habit of running into him...but then teaches him a valuable lesson.

Scene: Desk Five, now a much nicer ghost, is freed of the shackles of red tape and determined to make amends for his life of obfuscation by helping people expedite their requests using his ghostly powers. The Uncertain Groom, now certain that he definitely does not want to get married, tries to keep the helpful ghost from spiriting up the marriage license, but surreptitiously, as Meredith wanders in the background, preoccupied with her own affairs of the heart.

"Listen To Meredith" - Here, Meredith realizes that she belongs with the Uncertain Gunman, and implores her beloved off the ledge, with the help of the Ghost Desk Five and the security guard at the back of the theater.

"Guns Don't Solve Your Problems (Except Most Of Them)" - Finally, the gang can be happy - Meredith and the Desperate Gunman, the Uncertain Groom and Sandy (or the hot stripper cop). But what of the Ghost Desk Five? They solve the problem by shooting a dog for him ("Somebody's got a fourteenth bullet in that special gun!") and together the pair can now be together ("We can run in a ghost field chasing a ghost stick with my ghost dog!"). Everyone, it seems, has found their happy ending: "Finally, bureaucracy helped somebody!"


Bonus: After the show, they did a drawing for special prizes, like plastic cups and coolers. The first person who won was a young lady named Erica Jorgenson. Then they drew the next name out of the bowl, and it was Jennifer...Jorgenson. What are the odds? I guess 0.0025%, assuming that there were 200 seats in the theater.