ON last night's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took on the KING DICKS OF THE UNIVERSE, also known as the executives at AIG, who intend to dole out $165 million in bonuses to the people who destroyed all the money. Or, at least, you know...some of them: the ones who use our bailout monies, as Colbert describes, "in ways we never see, to prop up businesses we don't understand." But the folks at AIG will not have to do as Chuck Grassley instructs - resign or commit suicide - that's because Colbert is sending his mob, with Pitchforks, after AIG's toxic asses! But who's to say the nominal head of a pitchfork wielding mob can't learn a thing or two from his opponents? Pulling out the Angry Mob Leading contract governing the mob's activities, Colbert assures, "Should the mob succeed, I get $165 million. But if we fail, I get nothing. Except my bonus, $165 million dollars."
"Nation," Colbert urged, "follow me, and I will make us a mob so big, it cannot fail." We'll all remember having this good laugh as the world collapses around us!