Rush Limbaugh read the torture memos and got inspired to perform a brief act of self-torture and strenuous exercise, just like the old-timey radio pornographers used to do back in the Roaring Twenties! It sounded exactly as dirty as this:
LIMBAUGH: *SLAP* I just slapped myself! *SLAP* *SLAP* *SLAP* I'm torturing myself, right now! That's torture! *SLAP* According to these people. *SLAP* If there is another hit...ahhhhh - ahhhh - *sigh*...welllll *SLAP* *sigh* UHHHHHHB....wooooofff.
OK, so I'm definitely taking that whole section out of context. But, hey, at least I'm aware that the approved torture techniques went way beyond slapping.