COMEDY
11/28/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Dickipedia: Tom DeLay

Thomas Dale DeLay (born April 8, 1947) is a disgraced former U.S. Congressman and one-time Majority Leader of the House of Representatives who resurfaced not four years after a humiliating federal indictment shaking his decidedly Republican booty as a contestant on "Dancing with the Stars." Needless to say, he is also a dick.

Tom DeLay was first elected to the House in 1984, soon building a reputation for enforcing party discipline on colleagues and taking retribution on opponents. This earned him the nickname "The Hammer." One can only hope he is not planning to subject America to his version of "Can't Touch This." Although, hammer pants would certainly conceal his junk better than those tight polyester double-knits he wore on the season nine premiere.

The first national politician to appear on a reality show, DeLay is also the first contestant to compete on a reality show while currently out on bail. It's hard to say which provides a more apt comment on American popular culture. Still, they both clearly indicate our proximity to its nadir.

Silver lining: an appearance on "Dancing with the Stars," even winning it, does not seem to resurrect anyone's career. Just ask Joey Lawrence. Or L'il Romeo. Or Billy Ray Cyrus.

Say what you will about Tom DeLay, at least he never had a weird, drug-fueled, decade-long consensual sexual relationship with his own daughter who was also the star of a hit early 80s sitcom. At least not that anyone knows of.

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