05/11/2010 12:48 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Jersey Brothers' Cross-Country Crime Spree Ends In Alaska

America, trust me on this: if you read just one story today about a pair of brothers from New Jersey on a massive crime spree that took them from Puerto Rico to Texas, leaving mayhem and strip club visits in their wake, culminating in an armed standoff in the remote tundra of Alaska, make it Joshua Saul's account of the same in the Alaska Dispatch, entitled "Stranger-than-fiction manhunt ends in Skwentna". This story grabs you by the nuts inside of three paragraphs:

Around noon on April 30, two Alaska State Troopers advanced on a remote log cabin in Skwentna, Alaska. It was cloudy and only a few degrees above freezing.

Trooper Terrence Shanigan took cover behind a birch tree while his partner, Wildlife Trooper Mark Agnew, covered him from a setback position. Shanigan yelled for the men inside to put down their guns and come outside.

"Fuck you!" came a voice from inside the cabin. The New Jersey accent was unmistakable. "I want a satellite phone and some weed!"

From there, it just gets better.

This is the story of two brothers, born of the same mother but adopted by different families. It's the story of a cracked safe robbed of $50,000 in New Jersey, a sex- and drug-fueled tour of Puerto Rico and Texas, and a string of smashed-up cabins in Alaska. It's the story of two brothers from the East Coast living like rap stars on stolen money, and their adventure in the wilds of Alaska.

Basically, it's like someone mashed up "Pineapple Express" with "Into The Wild" and added New Jersey. Joshua Saul, you have won the morning.

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