10/13/2010 02:38 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Elderly Men Now Just Beating Each Other Up Over Political Yard Signs

We're in the homestretch of the 2010 campaign season, so you know what that means: thousands of you are planting thousands of yard signs, all over the verdant green spaces of this great nation. And that also means that hundreds of you are stealing these yard signs, tens of you are spending your nights hiding in the bushes to catch the people who are stealing the yard signs, and a handful of folks are getting shot at by Dale Peterson for messing with the signs. (You few are the luckiest of us all, obviously!)

Meanwhile, via Wonkette, we learn that everything is getting so crazy that the elderly are now just fighting in the suburbs of Chicago over yard signs, in melees worthy of a Thunderdome. Per the Chicago Tribune:

What started as an argument between two elderly men over political yard-signs in Wilmette turned physical, police said.

It began at about 2 p.m. on Oct. 4 in the 1300 block of Sheridan Road, along the sidewalk of a vacant property just south of Langdon Park. An 85-year-old man with a walker apparently pulled two political yard-signs out of the ground and tossed them aside.

The property's owner lives in the house next door - a 60-year-old woman and her 92-year-old father. The woman's father began picking up the signs when the 85-year-old started yelling at him, according to a police report.

The woman came to her father's defense, but when she tried to plant one of the signs back in the ground, the 85-year-old grabbed it. During the ensuing tug-of-war, the man allegedly hit the woman in the side of the head and shoulder. Then he lost his grip on the sign, and fell backwards over his walker, police said.

Obviously, the sooner all the olds get down to fighting one another to the death in their front yards, the easier it will be for the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform to "reform" Social Security.

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