11/19/2010 04:41 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Thief Breaks Into Williamsburg Animal Shelter And Steals Dog

When I first heard that somebody had broken into BARC, the stalwart Williamsburg animal shelter, and stolen a dog, I thought: "Wow, that's really weird, because you can just, like, adopt dogs from the shelter and everyone is happy." But then I found out that the dog in question was Edith, a 12-year-old longhaired chihuahua and long-term companion of Archie, who is now all alone at BARC (and apparently very depressed). So then I was sad. And now I'm fucking pissed. Yo, dog-thief, if you are reading this, if we catch you with Edith, we will beat your ass.

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