I have some bad news. It's the future. I know, it happened so fast. Weren't we just wearing Umbros over neon bike shorts, eating Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pudding Pies, and grooving to Escape Club's "Wild Wild West" last week?
More bad news: in the future, many of the awesome (and sometimes awful) beverages you drank as a kid are gone. Lost in time. Extinct. I'm sorry. So grab a koozie and some crazy straws, and let's pour out a little Crystal Pepsi for the soda homies that are no longer with us.