"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." -Rita Rudner
"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" -Rita Rudner
"When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his ﬁrst name was Always." -Rita Rudner
"As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then, hey, I've done my job." -Roseanne Barr
"Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?" -Roseanne Barr
"My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside." -Roseanne Barr
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