05/18/2011 12:30 pm ET Updated Jul 18, 2011

Colbert Can't NOT Talk About Arnold Schwarzenegger's Sex Scandal (VIDEO)

On Tuesday's "Colbert Report," Stephen announced, "Whenever a big story hits, the first thing you do is tune in here to find out how you feel." With that responsibility in mind, Stephen chose to avoid talking about the news that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child out of wedlock with a member of his staff 10 years ago, prompting wife Maria Schriver to leave the ex-California governor.

But as Stephen is only human, he could only discuss other topics for so long before indulging in jokes about a good old-fashioned sex scandal. The inner turmoil eventually proved so strong that he split into two Stephens, one representing the hardened newsman, and the other the sensationalist yellow journalist.