By now you've likely run out of your weekend invitations to fancy places with beaches, so it's time to take this muggy, sluggish jungle by the horns. To help, we've put together a list of things that will transport you without risking your life on some sketchy, $10 charter-bus.
Late night showing of Jaws @ IFC
What: See Spielberg's gory shark-porn on the big screen. Guaranteed to be a Grade-A time warp.
Why: Quirky, late-night date points= Approx. +2,438
When: Friday and Saturday, 11:30 PM (Buy tickets)
Where: IFC Film Center, 323 6th Ave.; 212-924-7771
Collecting the Modern Masters: The Cone Sisters
What: A fascinating peek at the vast impressionist art collection of the art geniuses/manic shoppers that were the Cone Sisters.
Why: An incredible journey to a different time. It's like "Real Housewives" and "Hoarders" and had a baby.
When: Friday, Saturday, Sunday 11AM-5:45PM
Where: The Jewish Museum, 1109 5th Ave. at 92nd St.; 212-423-3200
Bike to the Cloisters
What: Do the breezy 50-minute bike ride** up the lovely Hudson Greenway, and visit the Met's gorgeous, pastoral homage to Medieval art.
Why: Experience the Middle Ages without doing the whole rotting teeth and getting burnt alive for being a witch thing.
When: Friday, Saturday, Sunday 9:30AM-5:15PM
Where: 99 Margaret Corbin Drive @ Fort Tryon Park; 212-923-3700
**Google Maps, Biking Directions can help with this.
Harry Potter, The Exhibition
What: A cheezy-fun wormhole to the world of Potter, showcasing the props and sets made for the HP films.
Why: Because sometimes geeky muggles get bored and need to see some crazy wizarding sh**, okay!?
When: Friday & Saturday, 9AM-9PM; Sunday 9AM-8PM (Buy tickets)
Where: 226 W 44th St. (btwn Bway & 8th Ave.);
What: Tasty BBQ and such from local grilling masters, and Six-Point beer--all in the relaxing, no-so-faraway land of Governor's Island.
Why: Where else can you celebrate gay marriage by chowing down on delicious Red-State cuisine?
When: Sunday, 11:30AM-5PM. (Buy tickets)
Where: Governor's Island
Bastille Day Festival
What: Celebrate the Frenchies' Independence Day a little early with Cancan dancers, French food, petanque, etc.
Why: Because saying "Oui oui!" and laughing through your nose is even better if you're eating a crepe and listening to live accordian music.
When: le Sunday, 12PM-5PM
Where: Le 60th street, btwn le 5th Ave and le Lexington.