08/01/2011 04:57 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Cheesecake Factory Debuts 'SkinnyLicious' Menu

The Cheesecake Factory, a restaurant known for its heaping portions and epically long menu, has expanded its lower-calorie offerings with the new "SkinnyLicious" menu.

The new menu, set to debut August 9 with a five-week rollout, features almost 50 dishes under 590 calories, with small plates and appetizers all under 490 calories and five "Skinny" cocktails under 150 calories. The menu will be available at all 151 locations and will include dishes such as the SkinnyLicious hamburger and Asian chicken salad.

USA Today claims that this menu move is "the cosmic equivalent of Chuck E. Cheese adding a quiet zone." While we applaud the chain for offering healthier options, we remain a bit skeptical about the nature of the promotion.

Let's point out a few should-be-obvious notes:
1) The restaurant is named in honor of cheesecake, a famously fatty dish -- anyone who goes there for a healthy meal is woefully misguided.
2) A good way for the Cheesecake Factory to reduce calories is to cut down on its massive serving size, rather than re-jiggering dishes.
3) Skinnylicious is the worst name ever. If you want a hamburger, get a hamburger. If you want a SkinnyLicious hamburger, you shouldn't be surprised if your dining companion laughs at you.
4) If you really want to lose weight, don't go out to eat. If you choose to go out to eat, don't rely on restaurants to guide you toward appropriate food choices based on lame-sounding marketing gimmicks.

Watch the video below to learn more about the Cheesecake Factory's new menu, as well as new menu options from other chain restaurants.