09/13/2011 05:39 pm ET Updated Nov 13, 2011

HUFFPOST HILL - Senate Treating Jobs Bill In Most Senate-y Manner Possible

Reporters spent the day trying to hunt down the hypothetical sick 30-year-old that Republicans want to die. If Michele Bachmann's anti-immunization crusade doesn't snag her the GOP nomination, she's at least earned herself a room at Jenny McCarthy's summer house. And it was a dream day for liberals: Living Social offered a 50 percent discount at Whole Foods in the morning and news broke of an Elizabeth Warren Senate campaign in the evening. However, even a Groupon deal at Lululemon won't be able to lessen the pain of a Democratic loss in the New York 9th tonight. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Tuesday, September 13th, 2011:

AMERICAN JOBS ACT, MEET THE AMERICAN SENATE - Harry Reid, who introduced the president's bill today, emerged from a lunch meeting with his caucus sounding very much like Harry Reid. "I don't know exactly what I'm going to do yet with the president's jobs bill, but we're going to have a full caucus meeting on it on Thursday," Reid said. Will he have the votes? "We'll see probably at a later time." There'll be a briefing on Thursday, Reid said, "for people who don't understand it." Mitch McConnell, meanwhile, argued after meeting with his own members that the bill is no good because proposals in it have "been around the track." Sayeth McConnell: "I think this proposal is really not credible." Why? Because Democrats themselves have fought to kill most of the tax hikes Obama proposed to offset it, McConnell rightly pointed out. "Senator Schumer, for example, is credited by some with helping to kill the tax on investment income. Senator Landrieu and Begich have opposed raising taxes on oil and gas and 54 Democrats, back in 2009, when the Democrats basically owned the Congress, 54 Democrats have voted against limiting charitable deductions." The bill is aimed to give a short-term boost to the economy, to kick in immediately, long before the election, but McConnell's not interested, he said, in short-term relief. "No one believes that this package will do any kind of long-term, have any kind of long-term stimulative effect on our country," he said. [Fox]

ELIZABETH WARREN TO ANNOUNCE SENATE RUN TOMORROW - Outside of "co-hosting a Shiraz and Camembert pairing night with Alice Waters" and "going on a six-month slum tourism excursion with Nick Kristof," "volunteering for an Elizabeth Warren political campaign" is an American lefty's ultimate dream. That dream is about to come true. Elizabeth Warren will announce that she intends to seek the Senate seat currently held by Scott Brown. "The pressures on middle class families are worse than ever, but it is the big corporations that get their way in Washington," reads a copy of Warren's announcement statement. "I want to change that. I will work my heart out to earn the trust of the people of Massachusetts." This will excite progressive activists for the next year or so until October 2012 when Brown pulls away the moment cameras catch Warren eating at a Dunkin' Donuts competitor or something and Brown audibly farts when asked about it during a Sox game. Hope! [HuffPost's Sam Stein]

He has a truck!

DEMOCRATS BRACE THEMSELVES FOR POSSIBLE NY-9 UPSET - Polls are open in New York's Ninth Congressional District, which covers areas of central Queens and southern Brooklyn. Recent polling has found Democrat David Weprin -- who is a walking, talking answer to the question, "What would my dentist be like if he took way too much Adderall?" -- trailing Republican Bob Turner by a not statistically insignificant amount. If Weprin loses, expect Democrats to be all, "But this isn't representative of the electorate! Look at all these brown people, elderly folks and Jews!" If Weprin wins, expect Democrats to be all, "This is COMPLETELY representative of the electorate! Look at all these brown people, elderly folks and Jews!" Pop your Antivert, people, and brace yourselves for the spin.

PARANOID SELF-LOATHING GOP LOBBYIST WEIGHS IN ON NY-9 - Our very own Paranoid Self-Loathing GOP Lobbyist, who doesn't dare go near Queens or Brooklyn for all manner of John Rocker-ish reasons (and because of that gyro-phobia of his), is nevertheless excited about the political developments in those boroughs. "I remember in October of 2006 being completely delusional and thinking things like, 'You can't beat something with nothing.' Or, 'This election is a choice, not a referendum.' (You guys know, the same shit all the millionaire Democratic operatives are saying now.) And then on the first Wednesday in November of 2006, I realized that I was kind of right, but not at all. Voters chose, they chose to hate us. HuffPost readers, now is the time to frag your talking heads." Looks like PSLGOPL is getting on the Rick Perry treason/murder bandwagon! Thanks, PSLGOPL!

@RickWarren: Tupac died on this day in 1996

FAA DEAL MOVING FORWARD - From the transcript of today's press briefing with Mitch McConnell. McConnell: Regardless of how we got to where we are, it looks like we're gonna be able to do an FAA extension and a highway extension on a bipartisan and relatively non-controversial way and... QUESTION: How did we get to where we are? McConnell: Well, you can speculate about -- all you want to, but that's where we ended up. QUESTION: I'm not speculating, sir. I'm asking you. McConnell: I know you are and I'm not... QUESTION: I want to know because I don't... MMcConnell: No, I know you do and I don't want to tell you.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - Even though the Great Recession technically ended in 2009, incomes fell, poverty rose and the number of Americans without health insurance jumped again in 2010, the federal government announced Tuesday. The nation's poverty rate increased to 15.1 percent in 2010, up from 14.3 percent in 2009 and the highest level since 1993, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's annual snapshot for 2010. An additional 2.6 million people landed in poverty last year, bringing the total to 46.2 million -- the highest number since the government started tracking poverty in the 1950s. Jesus Christ! [HuffPost]

DOUBLE DOWNER - The Census Bureau credits Social Security with keeping nearly 14 million seniors out of poverty in 2010. That is why it is described as a monstrous lie and a failure.

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WHITE HOUSE PREPARING TO SLICE UP JOBS BILL - Reversing their earlier position, Obama administration officials are now saying that the president will be receptive to separately passed components of the American Jobs Act. It's a particularly risky gambit: It might guarantee that significant portions of the measure are not dragged down due to squabbling over an unrelated matter or it could leave President Obama signing only the most insignificant reforms into law, like whether the envelopes that distribute the agreed-upon upper bracket tax cuts are "beige" or "Chamoisee." All this contradicts campaign adviser David Axelrod's earlier (and classically French) statement that the bill is "not an a la carte menu." [HuffPost's Sam Stein]

This unaired Kay Bailey Hutchison gubernatorial ad about Perry and the HPV vaccination is like a "Daisy" add for people who think the CIA is controlling their minds with fluoridation.

FAILED SOLAR COMPANY WAS A REPUBLICAN CREATURE - Accusations of quid-pro-quo have been flying around Washington since Solyndra, the solar production company that received over $500 million in a federal loans in 2009, went under. GOP Chairman Reince Preibus alluded to the fact that one of the investors, George Kaiser, was an Obama bundler. However, as Mike McAuliff notes, the loan program that Solyndra benefited from was set in motion during the Bush administration. "Solyndra first came into the picture during the Bush administration, when it was one of just 16 firms found eligible for several billion dollars available in the Energy Policy Act of 2005's guaranteed loan program. And more, the Energy Policy Act, which the Bush administration used to promote Solyndra, was passed by the same committee under the leadership of Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas). One Democrat noted that while the GOP has been having a field day with the involvement of an Obama bundler, another major investor in a similar position is Madrone Capital Partners, run by Walmart's Walton family -- major GOP donors." [HuffPost]

POLL: OBAMA WIDENS LEAD IN PERRY MATCH-UP - Rick Perry has had several weeks to articulate his "let's kill everything and everyone that moves" platform (that coyote he supposedly killed with a laser-guided pistol, it seems, was just an amuse-bouche). While Republican primary voters may thirst for human blood (as the hypothetical sick 30-year-old learned during last night's debate), independents seem to be a bit iffy about America adopting a pro-death platform. A Public Policy Polling survey finds that President Obama leads Texas Governor Rick Perry 52 to 41 percent, up from 49 to 43 three weeks ago. Only 20 percent of voters agree with Perry's assessment that Social Security is a "Ponzi scheme" (including only 39 percent of Republicans). Among independents, Perry's approval rating is a dismal 23 percent favorable, 51 percent unfavorable. [PPP]

Yesterday we mentioned that President Obama might be depressed. Today we mention that RICK PERRY MIGHT BE SUFFERING INTENSE BACK PAIN. Does Jon Huntsman have Low T? Tomorrow only knows.

In case you missed it, Michele Bachmann doubled down on her vaccine attack last night after the debate. "There's a woman who came up crying to me tonight after the debate. She said her daughter was given that vaccine," Bachmann said during a Fox News hit. "She told me her daughter suffered mental retardation as a result. There are very dangerous consequences." She then, uh, tripled down on the claim this morning on "The Today Show." "It's very clear that crony capitalism could have likely been the cause," she said, "because the governor's former chief of staff was the chief lobbyist for this drug company." What's great about Michele Bachmann: She may actually believe that that vaccine caused "mental retardation." She might just mean it. Impossible, right? [WaPo]

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Rick Perry demonstrating his favorite HPV vaccine injection device, via the Bachmann campaign.

GOV. JAN BREWER MOVES UP ARIZONA PRIMARY - Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has signed a proclamation setting her state's primary date on February 28th, 2012. While Brewer did not, as she previously threatened, move the date UP, she did not set the date on March 6th, as the national party had previously mandated. "We're not going to share our date with anybody," South Carolina GOP Chair Chad Connelly said in an interview with Politico. "Especially, not with any state that violates the rules." In a statement, Brewer cited the need for southwestern representation in the early primary process. "It has always been a priority of mine to ensure that Arizona and its voters play an influential role in the nomination process, and that Southwestern issues are addressed by the candidates in a meaningful fashion," she said. To be fair, Arizona Republicans, as Brewer once demonstrated, need A LOT of time to vote so they can stare at their hands and giggle for really long periods. [CBS News]

To the lady who made anti-Semitic remarks about HuffPost Hill this afternoon in front of the Starbucks on 17th and Pennsylvania: Hope you had a great day!

PAULA DEEN FOR NEW YORK TIMES RESTAURANT CRITIC - "Masa's sea urchin nigiri doesn't have enough honey glaze, y'all!"

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Panda in a rocking chair.

JEREMY'S WEATHER REPORT - Tonight: Clear skies, with temperatures in the high 60s. Tomorrow: We get into 90, for one day. Expect thunderstorms in the afternoon. Thanks, JB!


-Adorable elderly couple accidentally hits record and then tries to figure out their webcam. [http://huff.to/nwcR3r]

- Woman in a bikini gives a video tutorial for Windows 95. Unclear whether the operating system or her swim wear is more 90s. [http://huff.to/o60HqD]

- This person had their whole life ahead of them and could have cultivated whatever skill or skills they wanted. This person chose foot juggling. [http://huff.to/p6MDr7]

- In the early 1960s, telecommunication firms sells data plans with coffee and soft-boiled eggs. [http://huff.to/o1jjNb]

- The Kristen Stewart School of Acting places a strong emphasis on scoffing. A very strong emphasis. [http://huff.to/pRASiu]

- The Winklevei cut a commercial for a pistachios (the same company that Levi Johnston repped for). [http://cnet.co/qEeJ7D]

- Retro posters for syphilis and gonorrhea testing (don't worry, they're clean ... but are you???). [http://huff.to/r0ZuNi]

- We just now learned of the comedian who dresses up like Chloe Sevigny and says ridiculous things. [http://bit.ly/qaIxfg]


@matthewstoller: Elizabeth Warren to announce that there is one liberal somewhere whose heart hasn't been broken, and she will find that heart and break it.

@bunkaroo: Oh in case anyone cares, our embassy and other gov't buildings in Kabul have been under attack for the last 12+ hours. We're clearly winning



5:30 pm - 7:00 pm: Jason Chaffetz might not be running for Senate but, hey, House members still need some love, right? [Associated General Contractors (AGC) of America Townhouse, 53 D Street SE]

5:30 pm - 7:00 pm: Joe Courtney holds a fundraiser for his Husky PAC. How is there not a statute on the books that prohibits lawmakers from employing the name of a state university's mascot for fundraising purposes? Doesn't that seem kind of ... ethically dubious? [Offices of The International Brotherhood of Teamsters, 25 Louisiana Ave NW]

6:00 pm - 7:30 pm: Bill Flores becomes the proudest C.P.A. to ever come out of Houston Baptist University with a fundraiser hosted by John Boehner. [412 First St SE]


5:30 pm - 7:00 pm: Virginia Foxx, who was the toast of the crazies until Michele Bachmann asked that members of Congress be investigated for anti-American behavior, tries to rekindle some of her old insanity for her benefactors. [Associated General Contractors of America Townhouse, 53 D Street SE]

6:00 pm - 7:30 pm: Cantina. Marina. Has. The. Best. Fish. Tacos. Ever. Ben Quayle hosts a fundraiser at the hyper expensive Georgetown waterfront establishment [Cantina Marina, 600 Water Street SW]

6:30 pm - 8:00 pm: If we had more time, we'd run the numbers to see which DCCC/NRCC spent the greatest percentage of their times campaigning for themselves. But we don't. Anyway, Steve Israel asks for money...and gets it. [Art and Soul, 415 New Jersey Ave NW]

6:30 pm: Brad Miller, who has basically been redistricted into the most "Git off mah land" district imaginable, does what he can with a fundraiser [Johnny's Half Shell, 400 North Capitol Street NW #175]

6:30 pm: Ron Johnson attends a completely theme-less (awwww) fundraising dinner. Jon Kyl, everyone's second-favorite angry Arizona senator, will make an appearance. [Caucus Room, 401 9th Street NW]

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