01/17/2012 05:34 pm ET Updated Mar 18, 2012

3 Things One Mom Never Dreamed She'd Do

As we all know, there's a lot people don't tell you about having kids. We do hear about how hard it is, all of the challenges, the lack of sleep, the tantrums of toddlerhood, the angst of the teenage years, yada, yada, yada.

But nobody, absolutely nobody, ever tells you this: parenting can be truly gross.

I'm not talking about the normal diaper stuff. I'm talking about bodily discharge in motion, vaguely cannibalistic activities, and microscopic familiarity with our kiddies' anatomies. I'm talking about things that should probably not be memorialized in writing.