Stephen Colbert's satirical campaign for president came to an end Monday night, when he announced on "The Colbert Report" that he is ending his exploratory committee and re-suspending Herman Cain's suspended campaign as well.
According to The Note, the stunt was meant to draw attention to the problems of independent expenditure committees, commonly referred to as super PACs, in political contests.
A few short weeks later, Colbert came in fifth place in the South Carolina primary via a proxy vote with former GOP candidate Herman Cain.
Although Cain/Colbert got over 6,000 votes -- far more than former candidates Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann and Jon Huntsman -- they only received 1% of the total vote, and that's just not enough for Colbert to carry on, even satirically.
"It is with a heavy heart and a spastic colon that I am re-suspending Herman Cain's suspended campaign," Colbert said. "Also, I am officially ending my exploratory committee to run for President of the United States of South Carolina."
So what now? When Colbert decided to explore a run for President, he asked his friend Jon Stewart to take over his super PAC. Now that he's no longer running, Colbert wants to regain control of The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC.
He may be out of luck.
As he showed "via satelitte" on Monday night's "Colbert Report," Stewart has been thoroughly enjoying the process of playing with Colbert's money. He also responded to the request with an email telling him to "take a long walk off a short go-f%¢#-yourself."
Here's the full text of the humorous e-mail Stewart sent to his super PAC "supporters":
Dear Super PAC Super People,
Hey, it's Jon again. As you know, a while back, I took over this Super PAC so that my friend and business partner Stephen Colbert could explore possibly running for President of the United States of America of South Carolina (maybe).
Unfortunately, he never connected with voters, despite nearly a week of part-time campaigning, culminating in a massive rally at the College of Charleston.
Now, Stephen's exploratory phase is over. And like most exploratory phases, it was strange, awkward, and ended not long after he left campus.
Today he asked me if he if he could retake control of The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC. I told him, with all due respect, to go take a long walk off a short go-f%¢#-yourself.
Are you kidding me? This thing is a pile of money, sitting on top of a heap of cash, sitting on top of a mountain of moolah. And I'm going to spend it. But in a legal, responsible way. For example, I just bought a jaguar! And I'm going to buy that jaguar its own Jaguar, and teach it to drive me around!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go – my official Super PAC Private Zeppelin is about to land and the pilot told me I have to turn off all electronic devices. Which sucks, I was about to score a bingo on Words With Friends. Oh, the H-U-M-A-N-I-T-Y!
In conclusion: I'm rich! Rich, I tell you, rich!
President For Life For Ever
The Definitely Not Coordinating With Stephen Colbert Super PAC