01/25/2012 02:26 pm ET Updated Mar 26, 2012

Andrew Mukamal's Miami Style: Lessons From A Man Wearing Panther Choker, Sleeveless Alligator Shirt

In Miami, one finds fashions from quinceañera to "made of dental floss" to pirate raver to gator 'rassler. In other words, we see it all, so no one ever bats a false eyelash at what anyone else is wearing. But even filled full of 305 ennui, we can't help but pull a double-take when a fashion stylist wearing a glittering panther choker, sleeveless alligator-face shirt, and drop-crotch bubble shorts is telling regular folks "How To Pack For Miami, Part II." In fact, we're terrified to look for part one! Is this what we really look like, Miami? Or has since-fired Bravo reality bod Andrew Mukamal finally found the perfect camouflage for wandering the Versace mansion unseen? We may love animal prints from Key Largo to Lake Worth, but it's only right to balk at even one pair of 'dog shorts' (though they're real, and they're spectacular).