As Valentine's Day approaches, many of us begin to reflect on all matters of love, romance and relationships. 'How do you spice up your sex life?' 'Has my relationship hit the rocks?' 'Do I even need to be in a relationship?' 'What about online dating?' So many different questions! Over time, I have had some great conversations with friends and experts on all sorts of topics relating to love, relationships, sex, marriage and being single. So, in honor of Valentine's Day, take a look at this collection of video clips I made with Dr. Laura Berman, Kate White, Elizabeth Gilbert and Dr. Gian Gonzaga talking about everything from vibrators to keeping the passion alive!
But before you get to the videos, I want to start with a great viewer question that we never got to address when Dr. Gian Gonzaga appeared with me on Mondays With Marlo.
JULIA: Once you end a serious relationship, how long should you wait before getting back out there?
DR. GONZAGA: After a break-up, whether it ends in divorce, bereavement, or mutual agreement, there needs to be a period of grief and adjustment before you dive into dating again. If you are still emotionally affected by the past relationship, you won't attract the kind of person who will be best for you when the good times return.
While it takes awhile to recognize the lessons you need to learn from a relationship, and usually we can't see them until the immediate emotional consequences are past. The length of time this takes will vary from person to person, but it should always be roughly proportional to the length and importance of the relationship you are emerging from.
If you were married for 20 years and your spouse died suddenly in a car accident, you're going to need a significant amount of time before you are ready to date again.
If you were in a year-long relationship that didn't get all that deep- you never considered marriage- then the time to get over it should be much less.
Here are some elements that signal that you're ready to get back onto the dating scene:
- Even though you are open to a relationship, you are happy and content on your own.
- You are optimistic about the future of another relationship, having parted ways with the bitter feelings resulting from your break up
- You are self motivated, not by outside pressure from friends and family
- You maintain a healthy image of yourself and all that you can bring to a relationship
Falling in love is a slow process and so is engaging in a healthy break up and moving on at the right time. Take your time, be realistic and you'll be in a place to find a lasting, healthy, and satisfying relationship. -- Dr. Gian Gonzaga, Senior Director of Research and Development, eHarmony Labs
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