02/24/2012 05:50 pm ET Updated Apr 25, 2012

Mitt Romney Is Some Sort Of Crazy, YouTube-Watching Ninja

Everyone knows that presidential aspirant Mitt Romney is some sort of Bain-capitalizing technocratic manager-genius par excellence, right? No one denies this! But what you might not have known is that Romney is actually a constantly evolving, Bain-capitalizing technocratic manager-genius par excellence. Actually, I might be overstating this, as it's likely that the storied history of Romney's flipping and flopping have all but made it clear that he's "constantly evolving."

But what I'm trying to say is that today I found out that Mitt Romney has become the master of the "gotcha" moment, and it's made him "the candidate most prepared to take down his rivals' records." This I learned from a three-page story in Politico that attests to Romney's mad "gotcha" skillz. And in all sincerity, it's a very fine chronicle of how Romney has succeeded in meticulously zeroing in on his opponents' vulnerable spots and drawing blood, especially at the numerous candidate debates.

That said, there's nothing about the story's lede that is not hilarious. The scene opens on Wednesday night's debate in Mesa, Ariz. Romney, we are told, is caught in a "make or break" moment, locked in battle with Rick Santorum over contraception. Fortunately, he "clicked on a classic piece of opposition research for a peek." Wait. Did he literally "click on" a piece of opposition research during the debate, because he is actually a MacBook Pro in human form, running Google Chrome? Not exactly.

"Senator, I just saw a YouTube clip of you being interviewed where you said that you personally opposed contraceptives but that you, you said that you voted for Title X" -- the federal family planning program, Romney told Santorum during Wednesday night's CNN debate in Arizona. "You said this, you said this in a positive light, 'I voted for Title X.'"

Aww, yeah! "Boom: roasted!" and all of that, right? Totes. We are told by Reid Epstein and Zachary Abrahamson that this was a "classic gotcha moment." What's more is that this was "also a snapshot of the new Romney." And that snapshot? "The 'gotcha' candidate."

Right, OK, if you're peeping the piece online, you sort of saw that coming, because the headline is "The 'gotcha' campaign," which primes the readers to expect something about someone -- probably Romney, since he's pictured -- as the guy running that "gotcha" campaign. See, I was able to surmise all of that ahead of time because I looked at the Internet and made note of things. But here's what's so totally "kewl" about that. I was using the exact same skill set as Mitt Romney:

"To do last night effectively, you had to have done very careful research and then the candidate has to master the information and think through how and when to use it," a campaign adviser said Thursday. "And the campaign has to remain disciplined around a message and a strategy."

See, until I read the paragraph where a Romney adviser described this process of "observing things" and "remembering stuff," I had no idea that the act of watching a YouTube clip and recalling the contents of said YouTube clip was actually a complicated, white-knuckled feat of political derring-do! It's just not something anyone can do. And you can totally understand why this Romney adviser wanted to be anonymously quoted, right? Who wants to be known as the guy who praised Mitt Romney for being able to absorb information from YouTube?

At any rate, here's hoping that Mitt Romney will go on "Meet the Press" soon so that he and David Gregory can have an epic "Men Who Stare at YouTube" showdown.

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