03/16/2012 12:09 pm ET

Bangs Infomercial: Bangs Will Make You Exactly Like Zooey Deschanel (VIDEO)

Ever wonder why you're not cool, your band isn't taking off and dudes with beards won't talk to you? It's probably because you don't have bangs.

Bangs are those things that make Zooey Deschanel so awesome, and now, for the first time ever, you can have them too for a low, low price.

Can you even believe how your life is about to change? You'll be quirky... honest-to-Cthulu quirky! ("Honest-to-Cthulu" is just the sort of quirky thing that a girl with bangs could say if she wanted to or whatever.) And you'll probably play guitar better and have a boyfriend with a beard (or if you're super lucky, a boyfriend with a t-shirt based on his beard).

So check out the video above featuring comedians Giulia Rozzi, Brooke Van Poppelen, Brandy Barber and Mara Herron, and leave us your bangs testimonials in the comments.