05/21/2012 11:53 am ET Updated Jul 21, 2012

The 6 Most Effective Ways To Lie On Your Resume

Relax, terrible liars, I'm here to help. And, after consulting with experts in deceit, who may have been overstating their expertise now that I think about it, I've compiled the following guide to help you lie on your resume. To better illustrate this advice, I've also included sections from the resume I recently used to reapply for my position here at Cracked, a slightly humiliating chore we have to do semi-annually around here. (It's part of a morale-boosting exercise. [To boost the morale of management. {Who feed exclusively on human misery.}])