05/29/2012 12:42 pm ET Updated Jul 29, 2012

7 Signs That It's Time To Stop Talking

Anyone who's ever watched a really lame, unoriginal stand-up routine knows that "We need to talk ..." is a magical red flag phrase that means you need to run away as soon as possible, because it means a woman is going to bore you to death or break up with you while boring you to death. Obviously, if there are problems in your relationship, a reasonable woman should deal with it by, I don't know, disappearing without a word or shooting you when you're not expecting it or something, I guess. I don't pretend to understand what these comics want.

But here's some phrases that signal some actual bad things coming that nobody wants any part of.