06/04/2012 10:50 am ET Updated Jun 04, 2012

5 Dating Rules I Will Never Understand

If you're the kind of person who has a copy of The Game hidden somewhere in their apartment, has a monthly subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine, or DVR'd every single episode of The Pick Up Artist (and shame on you if you did, that show was god-awful), you are probably familiar with these rules. But even if you're a less religious consumer of all things seduction-tips, we're all constantly trying to get into each others' pants (and hearts… awwww). And we've all heard rules before that we're not supposed to transgress if we want to be successful. Here, a few of said rules that I simply refuse to understand.

1. Don't call until three days after your first date.

I believe that there were several truly evil figures throughout history: Hitler, Ted Bundy, and the Ed Hardy-wearing toolbag that coined this torture device of a rule. I've always been of the camp that if you like someone, enjoyed their company, and have some kind of interest in ever seeing them again-— letting them know in a timely fashion is amongst the best ways to communicate (third only, perhaps, to telepathy and throwing a brick through their window with "LET'S F-CK" written on it in blood). There are few things worse than going out with someone you're truly interested in, only to spend the next few days wondering if the sight of you repulsed them and they’re busy moving out of the tri-state area to avoid you, or they've just read Tucker Max a few too many times and are now waiting a standard three days to ask you out again. Either way, you're guaranteed to have a small heart attack every time your phone buzzes, only to see it's just your lame friend again, and not the only person in the world you're actually interested in hearing from. Let's just avoid this process in the future.

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