06/06/2012 11:06 am ET

My Love Letter To Lena Dunham

Dear Lena,

Look, I'm not going to mince words here. I don’t quite know what it means to 'mince words' exactly, but I think I'm not doing that right now. Maybe you can explain that concept to me on our first date. I’m guessing it means ‘to cut to the chase’ or 'traffic in brevity.' That’s my best guess. I’ve been wrong before, and don’t you think that a man who can admit when he’s wrong is a very suitable mate?

Anyway, I'm in love with you. The fact that we have never met should not be a deterrent. I can already tell we have a lot in common. I'm also half-Jewish. I love younger women and you love being a young woman. We’re both comfortable with our bodies. Hip people enjoy our respective bodies of work. We both live in big cities. We share a heartfelt longing for lasting human contact.

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