When you hear that a close friend is divorcing, you want to be nothing but supportive. But when you combine the delicate subject matter with your own mixed feelings (Is she making the right choice? Is my marriage in trouble, too?), it’s easy to end up blurting out the wrong thing. You may mean to say, “I’m worried for you,” but you end up saying, “How will you take care of your family now?” “Friends try to be helpful, but their own fears and biases can make their comments backfire,” says Monique Honaman, author of The High Road Has Less Traffic: Honest Advice on the Path through Love and Divorce. Here, eight things you should avoid saying to a divorcing friend, plus helpful words you should offer up instead.