06/21/2012 06:15 pm ET Updated Aug 21, 2012

HUFFPOST HILL - King Ralph II Starring Scott Brown

Mitt Romney wants to give foreign nationals with advanced degrees a green card, a move aimed at the understaffed farming sector that has been clamoring for 120K-a-year programmers to pick avocados. A Scott Brown spokesman walked back the senator's statement that he has secretly met with kings and queens, but no one can walk back our mental image of Brown dressed to the nines in leggings and a befeathered Renaissance-era flat cap. And Chris Christie says he was not caught sleeping during a Bruce Springsteen concert but was, in fact, caught meditating. We've heard a lot of yogis chant "ooommmmmm" but we're unsure if there are any out there that intone "Bruuuuuuce" for hours on end. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Thursday, June 21st, 2012:

ROMNEY MODERATES HIS IMMIGRATION STANCE - The candidate wants to prevent immigrants from leeching off of the social safety net by giving green cards to ones with graduate degrees -- because nothing says "tax base" quite like an M.F.A. Elise Foley: "Mitt Romney promised Latinos on Thursday that he would swiftly reform the American immigration system -- once again without saying whether he would end President Obama's policy allowing some young undocumented immigrants reprieve from fear of deportation.... Romney's remarks were a far cry from his comments on immigration during the Republican primary, which he has since backed away from. Romney promised on Thursday to end caps on some green cards for families, and, echoing Obama, said he would "staple a green card" to the diplomas of non-citizens who obtain an advanced degree in the United States. Military service members would also be given a path to legal status." [HuffPost]

The DEA chief was apparently bussed to Capitol Hill from 1986 today. She met lawmakers living in 2012. Hilarity ensued. Go check out our front page presentation of this. It's worth the click.

JUST TO CLARIFY, SCOTT BROWN HAS NOT ENTERTAINED KINGS AND QUEENS - We were hoping to make some kind of "king's court/court of public opinion joke" but were too busy figuring out how to make a text message alert sound of the Massachusetts senator bro-ishly exclaiming "my liege!" and "my lady!" Boston Herald: "U.S. Sen. Scott Brown told a little fairy tale when he spoke of meeting secretly with kings and queens in a radio interview this morning, his campaign scrambled to clarify this afternoon. 'Each and every day that I've been a United States Senator, I've been discussing issues, meeting on issues, in secret meetings with kings and queens and prime ministers and business leaders and military leaders talking working voting on issues every single day,' the Wrentham Republican said during an interview with Jim Braude and Margery Eagan on WTKK-FM early this morning.A few hours later, Brown spokesman Colin Reed said the senator misspoke. 'Sen. Brown was referring generally to private meetings with foreign and domestic leaders. He misspoke when he said kings and queens,' said Reed in a statement." [Herald]

The Washington Post has a fun story about House Republican Tom Latham hating on Congress back home. He's Boehner's best friend. Heh.

Progressive activists and former Alan Grayson aide Matt Stoller and Katy Perry's ex Russell Brand are launching "Brand X," a political talk show on FX because... yes. If you don't receive HuffPost Hill for the next few months it's because we'll be shopping around our pilot for "Getting Real With Ghallager And Adam Green." [Trailer]

PARANOID SELF-LOATHING GOP LOBBYIST SHOULD NOT GO INTO EVENT PLANNING - HuffPost Hill's Paranoid Self-Loathing GOP Lobbyist, who somehow found a way to administer himself a Rorschach test... and then fail it, is trying to fuse his responses to America's moral and political decline. Things got weird, and a little Freudian. "President Obama should watch some of the indecent programming of Hollywood's 1% with small children at his next $50,000 plate dinner," PSLGOPL wrote. Thanks, PSLGOPL?

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - In order to help pay for a series of high-priority spending bills in 2010, congressional Democrats raided future funding for food stamps, promising to put the money back before any cuts took effect. Now that the cuts are around the corner, Democrats aren't talking about replacing the money. Instead, they're talking about more cuts. The big farm bill that passed the Senate on Thursday will reduce the deficit by $23.6 billion. Part of the savings comes from cutting an additional $4.5 billion from food stamps. [HuffPost]

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BRYSON OUT AT COMMERCE - LA Times: "More details emerged about the health of U.S. Commerce Secretary John Bryson as authorities said the investigation into two Southern California traffic accidents he was involved in continued. Bryson, who resigned from his Cabinet position Thursday, is still undergoing testing for the seizure doctors said he suffered in connection with the hit-and-run crashes in the San Gabriel Valley. Authorities have said preliminary tests did not indicate that Bryson was intoxicated during the crashes. But they are awaiting blood test results before making a final decision. Until then, the case remains open, law enforcement sources said Thursday. Officials hoped to have the case wrapped up soon." [LA Times]

A lobbyist called today asking us to float their client's name as on the Commerce short list. Ain't Washington grand?

ROMNEY TO RICK SCOTT: SHHH-HHHH-HHH-UT IT - The GOP's presidential candidate hopes Rick Scott can do him a kindness by stop issuing all those "Putting Florida Back To Work" press releases and consider issuing some "Help Us, Unspecified Person With Private Sector Experience And Strong Family Values! Tampa is Under Siege From Skyhigh Federal Taxes, Illegal Immigration and Steven Chu!" ones. Bloomberg: "Mitt Romney's presidential campaign asked Florida Governor Rick Scott to tone down his statements heralding improvements in the state's economy because they clash with the presumptive Republican nominee's message that the nation is suffering under President Barack Obama, according to two people familiar with the matter. Scott, a Republican, was asked to say that the state's jobless rate could improve faster under a Romney presidency, according to the people, who asked not to be named. What's unfolding in Florida highlights a dilemma for the Romney campaign: how to allow Republican governors to take credit for economic improvements in their states while faulting Obama's stewardship of the national economy." [Bloomberg]

Romney spokeswoman Andrea Saul deserves a medal for this jujitsu response: "Governor Romney frequently praises [governors] for their ability to overcome the job-stifling policies of the Obama administration... Any statement to the contrary is not in line with Governor Romney's thoughts or his message." Sentiments! And the crowd goes wild! [WaPo]

SCOTUS: NO HEALTHCARE RULING TODAY, INTERNET COMMENTERS STUCK WITH FAST AND FURIOUS FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER - The Hill: "The Supreme Court did not rule on President Obama's healthcare law Thursday, raising tensions before a decision next week. The ruling was possible Thursday but not expected. The court traditionally holds its biggest decisions until the last day of the term, and the healthcare case is among the most highly anticipated decisions in decades, overshadowing the current term. The next possible day for a decision is Monday, but justices will add more days to the schedule later next week." [The Hill]

High court don't give a shit: "The Supreme Court ruled Thursday against the Federal Communications Commission's policy on fleeting expletives over the airwaves, vacating the lower court's decision on due process and fair notice grounds. It ducked the larger First Amendment issues about regulating broadcast indecency in Fox v. FCC. The Court took issue with the fact that the FCC did not fully articulate its rule against fleeting expletives until 2004 -- after the Fox and ABC incidents at issue." [HuffPost's Mike Sacks]

RICHARD MOURDOCK REVEALS CLAIRVOYANCE TO AMERICA, SCIENCE AS WE KNOW IT UPENDED - In a YouTube video uploaded today, the Nebraska Senate candidate welcomed the Supreme Court's decision to invalidate the Affordable Care Act, though sadly not while seated on a bunch of silk pillows and wearing a headscarf with a giant ruby in the center, lit only by the ghostly light emanating from his crystal sphere of secrets. "Well, we've had our brief moment of celebration, because the Supreme Court ruled that Obamacare is, in fact, unconstitutional. It's what many of us argued all along," he says. "But don't sit back and think the fight is over because it isn't. Barack Obama and Congressman Joe Donnelly are already putting Obamacare 2.0 together and they're going to try and pass it once again. We cannot let that happen." [Politico]

That four-minute anti-Obama attack ad/news segment Fox ran a while back apparently elicited a Mr. Wilson-esque DENNNISSS!!! from Jay Carney. NYT:"In an angry phone call, the White House press secretary, Jay Carney, told the network's executive vice president for news, Michael Clemente, that even by 'Fox & Friends' standards the video crossed the line, according to two Democrats who weren't authorized to speak of the private conversation." [NYT]

EVEN MORE HOUSE DEMOCRATS SKIPPING THE NATIONAL CONVENTION - And much like Mark Critz and the West Virginia delegation, they're pulling the "our time would be better spent at backyard barbecues pretending to enjoy over-cooked brats and pretending to get along with people in John Deere hats than making small talk with overly excitable political reporters and obsequious UNC grads for a week" move. HuffPost: "New York Democratic Reps. Bill Owens and Kathy Hochul said Wednesday they will not attend the convention in Charlotte, N.C., the Daily reports. The news comes on the heels of similar announcements this week from three West Virginia Democratic leaders and Rep. Mark Critz (D-Pa.). Both Owens and Hochul, who represent parts of upstate New York and are up for reelection this year, blamed their absence on obligations within their state rather than reluctance to support President Barack Obama." [HuffPost]

Add Utah Rep.Jim Matheson to that list

POSSIBLE ENLIGHTENED BEING CHRIS CHRISTIE FINDS NIRVANA IN THE SHATTERED DREAMS OF POST-INDUSTRIAL JERSEY - This next item really adds new spiritual meaning to the Boss' famous line, "The poets down here don't write nothing at all/They just stand back and let it all be." Atlantic: "Many fans also give Christie grief for an incident that took place three weeks earlier, when a photograph of the governor apparently sleeping through a Springsteen song... 'Hey, Governor, where's your pillow?' someone from an upper deck screams. It is the sort of taunt he should obviously ignore, but Christie is incapable of being anything other than his obstreperous self. He screams back, 'I didn't fall asleep! How could you even believe that?' He turns to me. 'How could they believe that? I was meditating. It's a very spiritual song.'" [Atlantic]

Christie 2016: Attachment Is Suffering

Speaking of working class rockers, someone should rework the lyrics to "Pink Houses" to be about this Kansas House race: "Kansas' leading anti-gay Democrat -- who now lives in a church -- is facing a competitive reelection campaign against both an openly gay son of a former Ku Klux Klan member and a Republican who headed a statewide progressive Democratic group until recently. Rep. Jan Pauls (D-Hutchison) -- who was granted permission this week to move into an abandoned church she owns in order to run for reelection -- is facing a Democratic primary challenge from 28-year-old nursing assistant Erich Bishop. The winner will face Republican Dakota Bass in November." [HuffPost's John Celock]

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - The earth celebrates how rockin' this cat is.

Fifty Shades Of WHO CARES: Alvin Greene is getting a comic book: "Free Times reporter Corey Hutchins and military correspondent David Axe have storyboarded the script behind that bizarre election into a compelling graphic novel called The Accidental Candidate... Hutchins' graphic novel, which was illustrated by Blue Delliquanti, may not be the superhero comic that Greene discussed at his 'victory party' -- that sad scene is also included in The Accidental Candidate -- but it does provide a more or less comprehensive look at the motives behind Greene's doomed Senate campaign, starting with the Army dropout's early life. Throughout the graphic novel you'll find cameos by South Carolina political figures such as Gov. Sanford, the late GOP consultant Rod Shealy, former SCDP officials Carol Fowler and Jay Parmley, as well as a few other familiar faces." [Palmetto Public]

By @bradjshannon!

- Here is a newborn Amur tiger. [http://bit.ly/Notwts]

- BuzzFeed continues its campaign of lies with "23 Reasons Why Today Is Going To Be The Best Day Ever." Clearly, they don't use Twitter.[http://bit.ly/Ko8sPg]

- CollegeHumor.com made a playlist of (especially) strange moments in professional wrestling history. [http://bit.ly/Ko7aUl]

- Guy collects signatures in opposition to people collecting signatures. [http://bit.ly/Ko4Hcv]

- Taken 2 appears to involve Boris the Bullet-Dodger (so-named because he dodges bullets, Avi). [http://chzb.gr/Ko6U7O]

- The Atlantic: "Internet Donates More Than $200,000 For Bullied Bus Monitor" [http://bit.ly/Ko7OBc]


@dbernstein: FACT: Twitter went down EXACTLY 40 years after the mystery Nixon 18 1/2 minute missing-tape conversation. COINCIDENCE????

@delryaser: Was forced to make up snarky jokes for my coworkers AND THEN VERBALIZE THEM USING MY LARYNX. Like a SAVAGE. #whentwitterwasdown

@brianbeutler: "If the Supreme Court throws out Obamacare, it is NOT appropriate to yell, 'That's a clown ruling, bro!' at justices."



6:00 pm - 7:30 pm: Hawaii Governor Laura Lingle is in town (that flight... oy) to raise funds for her Senate campaign. Expect appearances from most of the Senate's lady senators. [Johnny's Half Shell, 400 North Capitol Street NW]


6:00 pm: Alabama's congressional delegation suffers a collective ego bruise as Alan West headlines a reception benefiting the state party. [Montgomery, AL]

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