07/24/2012 09:03 am ET Updated Jul 24, 2012

Rick Ross Won't Forgive Armed Detroit Thugs Who Robbed His Tour Bus

"Rumors are swirling like smoke from a baguette-sized blunt that rap superhero Rick Ross had his God Forgives, I Don't tour bus robbed by armed thugs in Detroit.

Ross was elsewhere, almost certainly making money and letting fine-ass area women graze in his beard. Fortunately, no one else was on board the bus, either.

The thieves probably should have robbed God instead. Not just because He forgives and Rick Ross don't, but also because there is a far more lucrative resale market for heavenly gold harps than for iced-out medallions of Rick Ross's face."

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