07/31/2012 11:10 am ET

I'm Letting Go Of My Pregnancy Dreams

I've always dreamed of being pregnant. I mean that literally -- during a brief period when I thought I might have been rendered sterile by a bout of chlamydia given to me by a scumbag cheating boyfriend who tried to trick me into taking antibiotics instead of 'fessing up, I had a series of pregnancy dreams from which I would wake up in tears, afraid I'd never experience the real-life version.

It's not just that I wanted to have children, which I DID -- I wanted to have the experience of pregnancy, to check it off my list like one would check off "running a marathon" or "threesomes." I mean, if my body had the capacity to fly, I'd definitely want to try it out, and growing a human body inside your body is at least equally magical. Think about it: You grow eyes in your stomach. Freaky. So my desire to get knocked up was less about the "tiny little version of me and my man" thing and more of a "join the mystical sisterhood of women who have had small people inside of them" thing.

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