08/20/2012 10:46 am ET Updated Oct 20, 2012

Ryan Lochte Absolutely Must Be The Next Bachelor. For America.

Before the water had finished dripping from US swimmer Ryan Lochte's itty bitty Speedos, the gold medalist was angling for post-Olympics acting and reality TV show gigs. (Can you blame him? Jewel encrusted flag grills are expensive, swimming doesn't pay like TV, and he's saving up for a Union Jack.) While his inability to act like anything but his lazy bro self means that he's probably not the next Meryl Streep, lately, rumors have been swirling that he may be the next Bachelor. This must happen. Don't think he's up for the task?

Allow me debunk your objections to the televising of the quest for Mrs. Ryan Lochte, one by one.

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