"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" won the Best Variety Show Emmy last night for the 10th year in a row (presenter Ricky Gervais even preceded announcing the winner with a faux "not again" groan), but his competition, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon, weren't about to let Stewart give his acceptance speech without a fight.
Stewart warded off his threats (albeit by winding himself) and made it up to the stage to accept the award on behalf of the show, acknowledging the other shows in his category and giving some humble words about what the win means to him.
Watch Jon wrestle Colbert and Fallon in the aisle as he goes up to accept his award, and read the full text of his speech below.
"(panting) I'm not in the kind of shape I should be in to do a bit with Jimmy Fallon, who's in very good shape... Son of a bitch. Free sandwich? After ten? We were told we get a free sandwich after ten... Stephen Colbert, what they did with Super PACs this year was ridiculous. Was redonkulous. Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel, I spend way too much time on the Internet watching their shows. "Real Time with Bill Maher" is constantly writing lines that I wish I had written, and without Lorne Michaels and "Saturday Night Live," I don't think any of us would be even doing this. So I want to congratulate those guys, and say what this has really meant for us. We make topical comedy, which has the shelf life of egg salad. Nobody cares after five days. So to do this for fifteen years, and to have tangible proof that what we made wasn't just ephemeral, is wonderful. Years from now, when the Earth is just a burning husk, they will find a box of these, and they will know just how predictible these fucking things can be."