COMEDY
09/24/2012 03:52 pm ET Updated Nov 24, 2012

The 5 Most Ridiculously Unnecessary Modern Inventions

They say necessity is the mother of invention. What they neglect to mention is that invention's dad is a moron and he sometimes pops by the house with a new piece of shit idea that's so staggeringly awful that he takes your silent awe as approval when in fact you're trying to think of a new way to say "What the fuck?" that is at once louder and more vulgar, and somehow requires the assistance of noted scholars and theologians.

People invent awful stuff all the time, and while there were a lot of really kitschy patents around the turn of the last century, you'd think that the dumb idea bank would be getting full up in modern times. But it looks like there's still room for people to squeeze one or two new turds through.

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